still trying to let reality sink in...

earthquakes and tsunamis rocked south asia on sunday.. and killed more than 60,000 pp as of today. the earthquake was teh largest in 100 years, and caused many waves (that rose up to as high as 3 storeys) to go crashing down on many beaches in the region. as a result, many drowned in the gigantic waves or in the turbulent sea, where they were sucked to when the waves retreated. countries affected numbered at least 9 (if im' not wrong) and Bangladesh (or was it Indonesia?? i forgot which asian country) lost 5% of its population in this disaster.

so i thank You, Father, for putting me, my family and my friends in Singapore, where we're sheltered from the tsunamis by all the islands. Father but at the same time i pray for those in our neighbouring countries, i pray for those who have lost their homes, that they can have their homes rebuilt soon, and for those who have lost their family, Father, i pray that You will give them strength to go on with life, and that Father, they will keep their eyes upon You and You will give them faith. Thank You Father, for carrying us at our darkest hours. Thank You for listening to all our prayers, in the name of Jesus Christ i pray, amen.

i look forward to better days ahead..

was reading some more articles related to the prev post. wrote down qte a few useful quotes here but i think He doens't want me to publish them cuz my attempts were foiled twice. so nvm..

the night's really cold
but elusive is the warmth..
i wanna snuggle up,
but now the cosiness is gone...

Are you at the helm or hemmed in?
Don’t be a victim of circumstance. Take over the reins of your career and blaze your own trail

Many people go about their working lives not thinking about their next job, either because their job is very satisfying or they do it for the money and perceived stability it offers.


Whatever the reason, jobs today have become more precarious. Gone are the days of life-time employment. The work environment now is more unpredictable where stability is a chimera and change, a stark reality.


Given such a scenario, would you rather wait for events to catch up with you or be in control of the events that will lead to the inevitable change down the road?


Here are some tips to help you chart your own career:

Assess what you are good at
There are two things to consider: Basic technical skills and the inner drivers which motivate and make you happy.


Basic technical skills are fairly easy to assess as they are largely based on your education and training. It is worthwhile to re-visit these from time to time to ensure they are up-to-date and, more importantly, will remain relevant in the future.


The inner drivers that motivate you and push you to outperform the competition may be less obvious. For example, some people are more creative than practical, patient rather than action-oriented, thoughtful rather than outgoing.


It is important to know these because human motivation will always be fuelled by its inner drivers which will in turn lead you to your career choice. If these are combined with relevant technical skills, you can enjoy more job satisfaction.

Stay marketable
While obvious, not many people take this point seriously once they have achieved a certain level of competency.


Staying marketable can mean many things, but you can boil it down to two things. First, there is the external perspective. Ask yourself:

What is the market telling me? Is there a trend of change in my area of expertise, and if so, what is it?

So, if you are in direct sales, what other distribution channels are emerging which may overtake your present skills and ways of doing things?


Paying attention to these trends will help you manage change rather than let change manage you. Second, ask how marketable you are. If you were to lose your job today, what is the probability of getting another one and how long would it take?


Simply put, how should you project your competencies and energy to the outside world at any given moment so as to maximise your chances of success?


Revisiting the answers to these questions could prove useful. When combined with external trends, they will be the basis of your constant renewal to ensure your marketability.

Remain connected
Never underestimate the power of networking. If you rely solely on job advertisments, you will be one among many applying for the same job.


While this approach is not wrong, consolidating and expanding your network of contacts will increase your chances of securing a job.


Securing a job or a promotion will depend on what you have to offer, but it also has a lot to do with human interaction. Networking is an art in itself. A person often needs to put aside quality time to engage in it. For instance, instead of going home after work, make the effort to meet new people, possibly in a different environment.


Nurturing contacts is a fundamental factor in controlling your career. The more you connect with other people, the higher your chances of creating opportunity and the more recognisable you will be in the market.

Be self-reliant
Too many people allow others to govern their careers. This is because they live in a comfort zone and believe that the next step forward will be proposed to them. These people are creating a dependency link.


On the other hand, if you are constantly in control of the factors which will create your own career, you are in charge of your own destiny. From time to time, do a reality check of how dependant you are on external factors or how much you are in control of your own career. If you know which way the balance is tipping, you will be in a better position to either redress it or give it extra weight in the right direction.

Be prepared
Pretend for a moment that you are about to miss out on a promotion or, worse, lose your job. How prepared are you to cope? Ask yourself what have you been doing? More importantly, what you have not been doing in the past to secure the future. Being always ready to spark the change you want or to cope with the change that befalls you is imperative at all times and will smooth out any transition in your career.

If you analyse what you are good at and its relevance, take action so that your skills and motivations are aligned with opportunity, and continue to nurture the relationships which will make a difference to your future, you will be at the helm of your own success. Even as the economy is improving and job prospects are looking brighter, don’t wait for the statistics to tell you where you stand. Take control, and make sure that you influence the statistics positively for yourself.

Article contributed by Bernard Bulens, chief executive officer of Ashmore International which specialises in executive coaching, leadership development, performance management and human resources. E-mail: bbulens@ashmore-i.com; Website: www.ashmore-i.com

This article first appeared in ST Recruit on December 22, 2004.

You Should Date An Italian! You love for old fashioned romance, with an old fashioned guy An Italian guy is the perfect candidate to be your prince charming If your head doesn't spin enough, just down another espresso with him Invest in a motorcycle helmet - and some carb blocker for all that pasta! hmmmmmm really??? Which Foreign Guy Should You Date? Take This Quiz

oh i wanted to blog bout my results..its out!!! 5 days early!!!

i failed 2 subjects.. thermo and mech of deformable solids. but!! i'm really happy.. cuz its much better than wat i expected ald, ie failing 6 subjects. i seriously tot i'd fail the entire sem but due to God's grace i managed to avoid that. ya i SERIOUSLY expected to faill all my subjects except for lab (for which there were no written paper) and fluids..

and i'm extra happy cuz i passed my design module (altho i only got a D for it), which i was really afraid of failling.. cuz the module entails a major project work which constitutes 50% of the grades and 6 hours of lessons per week plus extra time for project meetings.

so.. ya.. Thank You, Father, for your grace, for always pulling me through no matter how difficult the times were. Thank You for giving me strength, wisdom, and joy.. amen.

i realised how come there are so many sad entries but comparatively little happy ones. cuz when im sad, i tend to blog more.. in this way i'm hoping that my sadness will be purged out of my system. but when im' happy, i'm too busy enjoying my happiness to blog. heeez.

and today i realised why nowadays i've been so confused and afraid and disappointed. cuz in the past, i was sheltered by my parents, by dhs, by tj..by my youth. i din have to make much major decisions, and even when i did, the consequences of making the wrong ones wasnt that great. basically, my path was laid out for me, and all i had to do was to follow it.

but now........
i can't say i've grown up, but i can definitely say im' starting to, at least. and the journey is difficult. uncertainties here there everywhere.....fraught with so many things to consider, to be mindful of.

everyone wants to stay in their comfort zone. me too. but pp say to me: to learn, you have to fall. i learnt cycling without falling down.. can i repeat the feat again???

i'm definitely looking forward to the rainbow at the end of the rain..

oh btw rainne, i hope the previous entry's long enough for the music to load on your computor! haha ;)

haha yeah i said i'd blog happy thoughts for the next 3 entries but i din specify the frequency right?? :P

haha but then ya i'm feeling pretty happy nowadays :D
probably its becuz something good happened to me (which i can't remember) and i feel slightly happier.. which enables me to have more good things coming my way.. again its a cycle. but now its a joyous cycle! :D ya i muz try to keep the cycle gg..

oh anw after my GE on tues and wed this week, i went alone to the pasar malam at boon lay to look see. some pp might think i'll feel pathetic and sympathise w me, but to these pp i say "wait!" cuz no i dun feel this way at all. i mean i dun purposely arrange solo shopping trips, juz that when i happen to have them, i enjoy those few hours(esp when i dun feel hungry), and i dun feel sorry for myself juz cuz im' shopping alone. cuz i guess, for me, ya its always more enjoyable to do shopping with your gal pals, (for gals) but well shopping can be done by oneself too..

do y'all noe, when i'm on the mrt train (esp when i'm alone) i do alot of shoe and feet gazing. and i get so envious of those fair and (not too) plump feet...... i think they look so nice! unlike mine, dark and scrawny. and rough. (hmmmm am i weird?? i dun think anyone ever points out bad things about their body in their blogs right??? heh) my feet being thus, 2 problems are created. 1. my feet look ugly!!!!!!! 2. becuz of my lack of flesh in the feet, its kinda hard to buy shoes.. cuz sometimes teh shoes are too loose.. as in the part covering my feet doesnt cover well..heh

its so bad that i'm contemplating wearing sports shoes to school again. juz so my poor feet can take a respite from the malicious uv rays. and hopefully it can at least become fair again..

oh and i managed to finish my assignment on time yesterday!!! i'm kinda encouraged.. cuz for the past few months (or even sems if i'm not wrong) i've been getting panic attacks when i've to complete something with a deadline, thus delaying my progress, thus feeding my panic even more and thus creating yet another vicious cycle in my life. so basically becuz i panic, i usually dun complete my assignments on time. but this time, i managed to calm myself down, and by His inspirations ya i did manage to finish it on time this time! yay. and thx to my general elective too.......

did i mention it?? its emotional development: insights of shakespeare. sounds chim eh?? it is loh. but not cuz of shakespeare..i learnt qte alot from there..(one part of which is on how to manage panic. hehe. i mean actually i noe how to ald.. juz tat the course affirmed wat i noe, and made me more effective.)but cuz its so chim i think i only learnt 50% of the course. hmmm i hope i pass the paper. haha juz joking. oh no, actually i'm not. i really do want to pass teh paper.. hahaha.

hmm today 2 of my frens came back from overseas. welcome back!!! :D

and we celebrated our dear Dawn's birthday today. although her bday's 3 days later, but well, HAPPY 21st!!! wanted to get her a cake, but erm turned out that we ate in delifrance so there wasnt much chances to. sorry gal!!! mebbe we'll make it up to you next year :P

hmm i shldnt say sad things hor. altho ok i broke the resolution ald.. by complaining bout my feet.. but hey dun you think they make the entry more interesting??? hahahahaha ok i can juz see your weird expressions liao.

oh i htink i'm a VAK person after all.. ie visual, audio, kinesthetic person. means i do communication with pp mainly by visual, followed by audio, followed by kinesthetic means. ie most of hte time i receive information by picturing them in my head, and pepper my sentences with words like "see". eg "i see", "see you next time", instead of "i get it", "talk to you again". do you all see wat i mean?? :P

so, looking :P at this perspective, there're 6 types of pp (3!) ie vak vka kva kav akv avk. i've got the personality profile of each of these types in my notes, mebbe i'll post it up next time. then mebbe you all can try and find out which type you are too!! hehehe. but think i'll do this when i've really got a lot of time to kill. which is, errr not v often. :P

and yeah i learnt this thing from my ge too... ;)

wah i've written so much!! hope my entry doesn't get erased again!!! heh. ok im gg bed now.. nitez everyone.

i juz changed teh background music!! in line with my new resolution.. :D

may take a while to load tho.

hmmmm actually i'm getting a bit sick of my blog background. feel like changing it.. but when i recall the time and effort i put into doing my blog background the last time, i hesitate to take it off so soon..

btw pp, do you noe you can comment? juz click on the link called "do a pirouette!" or "[x number of] pirouettes!" to view or post comments to my blog. the links are found below each entry. hee.

(a pirouette is a short spin in ballet jargon. i chose to use this word for comments cuz well, the theme in my original blog layout was dance. so since i used dance as a figurative for the description of my life, i thought it would be appropriate to use a pirouette as a figurative for a short comment)

anw really thx to those who have asked after me, and shown me concern these few days. your encouragements juz strengthen me in my efforts to get myself out of the dumps.. :)

anw i'm so tired of sad blog entries that i have resolved to only blog happy thoughts for the next 3 entries. and hopefully for more after tat. hehe.yepz, even if there're actually much more unhappy thoughts in my life than happy ones. i hope eventually my life, and not juz my blog, will be filled with happy (at least neutral) thoughts too. :)

:)

music of the moment: falling star

i'm tired. tired tired tired tired tired tired. tired.

tired of negative thoughts. tired of uncertainties. tired of fear. tired of disappointments. tired of envy. tired of low selflove. tired of trying to be strong. tired of trying to grow up. tired of trying to hang on. tired of feeling misunderstood. tired of my own expectations. tired of trying to adapt.

to those who love me, dun worry im juz taking a breather. no matter wat, life goes on. no?
well i do hope i'll blog bout something positive soon. i'm tired of unhappy blog entries too. heh

i tot i've envisaged it bad enough. but everytime it juz turns out to be worse.

i really feel like a child.. so inadequate in everything tat i do. i noe im wonderfully and fearfully made, i guess i place too much attention on my flaws.. but they juz seem too many.. too big.. and they juz occur too frequently for me to ignore them.

i'm having a headache now and i dunno how to get rid of it. panadol? does it work this time?

oh yay! its working.. tried to blog juz now but cldnt cuz there was sthg wrong w blogger.

anw taufik won!!!!!!!!!!!!! woo hoo!!! actually i htink i'm seriously charmed by him. cuz before today i had absolutely no idea how he looks like, havent heard him sing before. juz knew tat "taufik" was one of the finalists for the singapore idol. ( btw, was at the train station the other day and heard this guy commenting to his gf tat the singapore idol is a tv programme to show others tat singaporeans cannot sing

was chattign on teh phone juz now. dun wanna blog anymore for tonight. no mood.

ok i'm sick too liao. i htink its cuz i havent recovered from the first bout about 2 weeks ago *bleah*. so now having flu and sore throat..

i went to sitex (the comp and it fair in expo) today and think was kinda blur.. so many technological terms!! and to think i'm an mpe student.. haha.. mpe students shdnt be scared by techie terms, yes?
there was once i saw an mp3 player tat i liked. i asked hte salesperson how much it was selling for, and he said " 256, 128". i'm like, huh? so which is the price?? i asked him again, and he said the same thing. i was totally confused... heh..

oh and i bought qte a cool mouse from there!! a pity i dun have a digicam, otherwise wld have posted the pic up. its looks stylish, and middle scroll button that gives out a blue fluorescent light when connected to a powered computer. ie practically all the time.
but htink i got cheated!!! cuz it does'nt come with a warranty card. i asked the salesperson if they had warranty, and he told me tat ya, 1 yr. hten when i came home i realised htere wasn't any warranty card anywhere!!! grr.

realised why i'm kinda emotionally unstable nowadays.. cuz i'm learning alot, about rships betw pp, work and life in general.. think i'm suffering from information overload. it doesn't help tat soemtimes teh lessons are kinda painful to learn.. i'm still trying to learn, and absorb them..

sigh, i wish myself good luck.. and to all those who need the luck, of cuz

k really qte tired.. think i'm retire soon.. hehe.

The Nenix Dreams

test

juz wondering.. does anyone realise that the title of this blog is "Dance Away" ???

heh. tats why if you clicked on the link in the prev post the browser juz refreshes.. haha..

Dance AwaY

hmm test

music of the moment: falling star

yeah i really do feel like i'm falling. falling, and swirling.. but no, its not becuz i'm wearing a cape. heh.. or am i?

i juz watched The Incredibles, but why am i not Incredibly Happy?

i think i'm getting into depression again, but this time i have no idea why. i can think of a few factors, but i think its more than tat.. it may be something deeper. i think it may be juz becuz of my inner being, i'm naturally a pessimist. and yet, am i really? do you think i am? and will you care..

ah, how important it is to be self-aware, but the complexities of human beings hinder my progress.

my heart and soul i lay, but who, who will respond to the song of collin raye?

riddles abound, answers to be found.

oh shucks i need to get out of the vortex. i need to get rid of my cape.

music of the moment: instrumental version of a piece by FIR

"your attention please. the loan counter is closed. the library closes in half an hours time. throw your litter before you leave. thank you. "

dinner, wherefore art thou?

gosh. paranoia is overcoming me.

music of the moment: instrumental version of a piece by FIR

and up, up, there you go~

*zilch to do w the previous post*

music of the moment: instrumental version of a piece by FIR

to all my frens who are STILL mugging for exams, jia you!! keep your eye on the rainbow..

guess wat

i juz COMPLETED typing a full entry. pressed ctrl A to highlight everthing in italics, but pressed "shift" instead of "ctrl" with "I". in the end the whole entry got replaced with a single stoopid caps I!!!! pressed ctrl z but all i got was a blank entry field.. pressed again, nothing changes.

and its so late ald! and my mum's breathign down my neck pestering me to go slp and i really wanna slp too. really dun think i can type it out again.

sickening

way sickening

the wonders of technology eh.. sometimes besides efficiency it has the power to completely ruin your mood.

tayahboy: now its my turn. arrgh.

music of the moment: instrumental version of a piece by FIR

wow its been 1 week since i last blogged!! hmm and i've since gone through law and thermo. heh seems like im' a good predictor. heh..

juz weighed myself juz now. and gasp!!! i gained weight!!! and i noe exactly why.. cuz i like to munch on things while i study. and i dun do exercise nowadays.. so.. i gained 1kg to become a hefty 40kg now. :P think i shld do sthg about it.. mebbe dieting??? heh heh..

oh. arafat juz passed away these few days. lets observe a moment's silence in his memory, although i'm sure none of you readers relate to him. oh well.
.
k the moment's over.

was studying at mos burger juz now and this angmoh was distracting me with his lambast (erm forgive me if i used teh wrong word, my england is not v powderful. heh) on political stuff on israel and palestine and the US. he was trying hard to explain why bush and his father was "bullshit", and why apparently the US had been so unjustified in interfering with the israel-palestinian civil war (there still is?? US interfered??) to his chinese singaporean gf (who happened to pretend to have such a good and fluent grasp of US-accented English, and who gave me this look tat says "i'm-so-much-more-high-class-than-you-juz-cuz-i-have-an-angmoh-lover-whom-i-obviously-have-very-enjoyable-bedroom-romps-with." incidently, i was amazed at the amount of blusher and eyeliner she had on: her blusher was almost as rich as her deep red lipstick. ) .
i found the gf's response amusing. seemingly politics wasnt her favourite/forte, and so she was trying hard to come up with intelligent responses - which din qte work out - to entertain the guy.
hmm i'm also not sure why i was amused, probably its becuz if the same thing were to happen to me, i'd be like her too. like being at a lost as to wat to say, and coming up with lame comments etc (juz this, nothing else in common). i guess its juz like the amusement pp derive from watching movies forrest gump - basically they were laughing at themselves. heh.

sometimes i'm really amazed at myself. tmr i've got paper and i actually have teh mood to blog?? wow.

really drowsy now.. gonna zzz..

and hope you had a wonderful deepavali, and you'll have an even more wonderful hari raya..

ps. shadow reflected to me tat the music is distorted. issit really?? i can't hear the distortion. mebbe i'm juz tone deaf. heh.

music of the moment: instrumental version of a piece by FIR

was searching for my tags to tag my law text. had an idea they might be in my bag. so i rummaged through it. and surprise! i found the missing half of my hp accessory :D (besides a sweet wrapper, a packet of unfinished pills, 2 packets of tomato ketchup and a packet of forgotten tissue paper. heh)

ok, at least this is one good thing. i've juz finished 2 papers, and i think - oh i mean i noe - i'm gonna fail both of them. and things are worse than normal cuz it means tat i've gotta repeat a project module next year (after my ia next sem) which is gonna take up alot of my time, and also cuz i'll be retaking the other subject for teh 2nd time. bleah. and i never tot i'd have to repeat any subj twice. i mean, repeat subj once is possible, but more than tat?? hmm heh mebbe i juz overestimated myself. but really loh, if i fail the subj it wldn't be cuz i'm juz not up to it. it wld only be cuz i din think i'd forget the formulae!!( its a maths subject, g265 for those in the know). sigh ok i really overestimated myself.

and i htink i'm gonna fail the next 2 papers as well.. law and thermo.

heh and i din think i'd fail more than 3 subjects in a sem. gosh. i shld do a reality check.

collin raye: .....

music of the moment: instrumental version of a piece by FIR

i juz discovered that my handphone accessory broke. its not the first time its happened to me.. why?? why does my hp accessory keep breaking on me?? its saddening.. but its worse this time cuz i really liked it qte a lot.. no sentimental values, but its really pretty. light and dark purple (my fav colour!) swarovski crsytals connected together, with a silver flower for additional decoration. i've always liked to admire the sparkles made by the crystals, but now no more.. at least, till i've time to go look for a replacement. sighz.

**end of whining session**

someone juz told me i look like rachel (the singapore bachelorette).
?????!!
goodness. and i tot she looked somewhat like a horse.
bleah.

music of the moment: instrumental version of a piece by FIR

How to make a wispie

Ingredients: 5 parts mercy 5 parts silliness 3 parts instinct

Method: Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Serve with a slice of wisdom and a pinch of salt. Yum!

find out your personality cocktail here

credits to teddybearhao for the recommendation! :)

music of the moment: instrumental version of a piece by FIR

W	Warm
I	Irresistible
S	Sappy
P	Pretty

wats sappy???

find out what your name stands for here

music of the moment: instrumental version of a piece by FIR

its not tat i'm crazy over exams. its simply tat i've no choice..

have been rushing home to slp early so i can wake up early the next day to study. been slping latest 1am these 2 days.. and i guess tonight's gonna be the same.

anw now i understand why pp prefer to own cars. one of the reasons is so that they wont smell funny odours that are sometimes found in public transport. i've been smelling qte a few in the train on my way home lately. hmm. its qte bad, such tat i feel nauseous in 2 consecutive nights. and on one of the nights, the nausea din go away till i fell asleep. was kinda afraid i'd wake up puking in teh middle of the night. heh. cuz well tat happened to me once.. but i was really young.. before i entered primary school i think. hmm still rem i ended up dirtying my blanket etc. definitely not a nice thing to repeat. heh

anw havent been blogging too much these few days cuz i havent been thinking much. cuz i realised thinking too much is erm bad for health. serious. juz go think about it. oops~ haha.

hmm no wonder my revision hasnt been as fast as it should be.. hehe.

oh the breeze these few days has been fantastic. fresh, cooling.. with a nice natural smell.. looks like winter's here? hmm i juz love this time of the year.. makes you wanna snuggle up.. no? :)

music of the moment: instrumental version of a piece by FIR

!!!!!!EXAMS!!!!!!! nothing else, please.

music of the moment: instrumental version of a piece by FIR

Thank you Father, for giving me wisdom, strength and joy to go through this difficult period. cuz i noe, if not for You, things would have been much worse. and thank you, for giving me an opportunity to serve You in a manner which i delight in. but i pray Father, that i will not only worship You with my music, i will also worship You in spirit and in truth. please let me be guided by the Holy Spirit, and let Your words remain in me. in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

music of the moment: nil

haha still the 107th

and my shoulder hurts. big time. never so bad before

music of the moment: instrumental version of a piece by FIR

this is the 107th post.

do you noe wat FIR stands for?? hehe

i almost forgot to pay for my food again! :P but remembered after i walked out of the door.. a pity.. haha

dun feel well. shld be due to stress.. and the glass of raspberry latte i drank (and which i almost forgot to pay for) in the afternoon. dunno y but i feel slightly dizzy and bloated after i drank tat.. my heart beat faster too. hmm realised i often feel bloated after drinking coffee. mebbe its the caffeine?? or wat?? but i'm usually alright after i drink tea.. which is said to have a higher caffeine content than coffee. hmm. feel like puking.. wonder if there's anything else i can do to get rid of the slight nausea..

oh, credits to the cow and angelus for the background music.

music of the moment: nil

excerpt from email (shall not bore you with yet another account of the very familiar tale of the crumpled and squished and dirtied and etc $20 note):

Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value. Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who DO LOVE you. The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know, but by WHO WE ARE. You are special- Don't EVER forget it.

sighz i guess the secret is out.. i have low selfesteem.. "why? why?? why???"

why is it that sometimes people just happen to have totally different expectations for each other?

...

music of the moment: nil

oh yeah today i had a free meal, again!! haha.......wat happened was:

stallholder: $4 please
me (thinking tat i've already paid up) : i paid already, isnt it?
S: you paid already? oh ok

then i carried my tray to my table and on the way i realised, yeah i really din pay up.. heez..

shucks i'm really getting used to eating ba4 wang2 can1s.. haha

hmm and to think i was saved from losing $20 juz minutes before tat.. cuz i was drawing money from the atm, and after i collected my atm card, i juz left, forgetting to collect my money. (can you believe tat... )thank goodness tat the malay guy after me was an honest chap.. otherwise.. my money wld have flown liao.. phew

hmm looks like my memory was really bad today eh.. forgetting to collect money.. then forgetting to pay for my food. shucks. hmm i hope tats all i forgot. *cross fingers*

seems like my memory has been getting from bad to worse. gosh.. wats happening to me.. izzit my lack of slp.. or izzit stress? or izzit juz cuz i've been trying to forget some things and so in the process, inadvertently forgets other things as well?? or wat???!! haha. i think i think too much. hehe

sigh. sometimes you juz happen to learn via the hard way.

music of the moment: nil

i'm still amused by the blogger counter :)

juz visited angelus's site. the background music was delta goodrem's australia.. for those who have been watchign tv frequently nowadyas, you'd noe its the serene background song for the (wat else) visit australia commercial. i guess some pp might find it too slow and boring, but for those mellow types, it'd juz be wonderful. oh well. anw its nice to noe tat pp appreciate the songs i send them. :D

its 3 weeks to exams and i havent even planned my study timetable. still busy with deadlines. lets see.. i've got a lab report to do, which i cant now cuz the qn and all my rough working is on my qn paper, which my groupmate brought home by mistake :( then i've got proE to do, and i can't also cuz i dun have the software to do it.. i aim to finish it by erm tuesday night?? means i'll have to stay really late in sch.. until 10plus for monday and tuesday.. then i've got to study for my assignment which is due on friday.. :S

i'm qte upset by myself sometimes actually..if i had held back myself for a bit, certain things, certain uncertainties (tongue twister? :P) wouldnt have resulted..

juz watched teh last epi of dragon sabre, heavenly sword.. learnt some stuff from there.. hmm martial arts?? hahaha.. i wish. :P

i can sing a rainbow
sing a rainbow
sing a rainbow too..............

music of the moment: nil

still 100th................

been having qte alot of headaches and ulcers recently, hope i dun get brain tumour or mouth cancer..

ah GEs GEs.. which one should i choose? wld like to take some tat's helpful to wat i'll b doing after i graduate, but i still have no idea as to which field i'd wanna work in.. and i'm graduating in 1.5 years time (if nothing goes wrong) *panic*

mebbe i'm thinking too much. mebbe i shld juz take watever tat interests me now.. cuz are those courses really TAT useful anw??

arrgh. can't decide.

exams juz round the corner. this sem is really bad for me, even worse than any of the last 4 sems. i predict the coming one month is gg to be a really bad one for me. REALLY BAD. i implore all those who love me, to wish me luck.. heh. thx :P

music of the moment: nil

hmm the last post is STILL 100th. i have an idea its either blogger's counter has a prob or juz tat they can't count further than the 100th post..haha

anw read this article in ivillage which i found really encouraging.. here's an excerpt on it:

"I guess what I have learned, even if I don't always remember to embrace it at all the right moments, is that you really have to articulate in your mind what DOES make you special, and what you DO have to offer yourself and others, and then try to remind yourself of what a super cool person you are when you are feeling slighted by someone else, as you did at the wedding, and as I did at the party. Just because someone is prettier, or thinner, or has better legs, or better hair, or a better job...that doesn't make them better, or happier, or loved more, nor does someone else's situation make yours any less. True, they may be thinner, but you are still the same super cool person that you were before they walked into your life. "

i really really like this paragraph, cuz its juz wat i need...... i often get jealousy pangs, but mostly with things other than physical issues.. more of character issues.. like oh X is so creative, Y has super time management skills, Z is a really great problem solver, A is so sensitive to her friends' needs, B knows just what to do at the right time, C seems to know everything, D is always surrounded by friends, E is so capable etc etc.. all of which i'm not..

but well after reading tat paragraph i'm really encouraged.. to find out and keep reminding myself about the things that i have to offer, that make me special. :D but.. like wat?? eh. oh well nvm i'm sure i'll find out someday. :)

anw i hope that this paragraph (for the full article, click here ) helped you all as much as it helped me, or even more.

cheers peeps! love yourself :)

music of the moment: nil

hmm? i htink the counter in blogger really has probs. the last post was counted as teh 100th. if tats the case, sad to say its kinda a sad entry. heh

to relax, or to keep gg? how does the journey continue? i really have no idea. *lost and confused*

i chalked up $87 in handphone bills. how did i ever manage to do tat??? should i change my mobile subscriber??

how can so many other pp manage so many events in their lives? by being unemotional?? by not letting guilt control them?

feel rather bad today for flying someone's kite. was supposed to collect sthg bulky from her today, then end up forgetting about it. then so in the end she had to bring it out only to bring it back again. heh.. only after 5 hours later, when i was in some other place, did i rem........ heez

not being at this extreme doesn't mean you're at the other extreme. you could be at somewhere else, and tat place may not even be between the 2 extremes. Open up your eyes! the world is more than juz one dimensional. (sounds cheem eh)

music of the moment: nil

sobzzz!! its tiring.....really very tiring..

have a lot of tots lately.. but since they're all jumbled up, and yue xiang yue shang xin......... so i tell myself might as well i dun think bout them.. have been qte successful cuz have been busy with stuff.. but sometimes i juz inadvertently start drifting off..

it seems like only one person (excluding Him) in teh world roughly noes wat i'm feelign now.. kinda saddening actually.

music of the moment: nil

hmm i think there's sthg wrong w blogger......now it seems like this is the 100th post i'm writing?? when 2 posts ago it was supposed to be the 95th post?? hmmz. oh well.

ok congrats to me then cuz yeah i definitely feel (at least slightly) better now... :D

but one thing bad is tat i lost my contact lense! again!! i rem i posted not long ago tat i remade one, and tat cost me $150.. well if i go remake it again, it'll cost me another $150!!!! how?? arrgh dun wanna spend this much again so soon.........

hmm sch reopening in a few days time.. but i havent caught up with my work yet! hope i can manage to catch up at least a bit by sunday.. heh

rainne juz recommended me this site for beauty products and tips:

flowerpod

music of the moment: nil

test

music of the moment: nil

ok this is the 95th post i'm gonna write..hmm i wonder wat i'll be writing on my 100th post?? well i hope its gonna be sthg cheery.. if not to have an improvement in teh general mood of my journals then to have a bit of celebration for me reaching the 100th mark. heh

ya i notice tat my entries have been pretty sad lately. like i keep talking about negative stuff.. its getting demoralising. told hyperscorpic to focus on the +ve instead of teh -ve things in life, guess it'd be nice if i can practice wat i preach?? but as i said to him also.. its really qte difficult..

i'm really feeling qte depressed now. esp when i think about tat thing. not as if efforts wasn't put in at all.. juz tat its gonna be a long long time before things can get significantly better. and even then i'm wondering if it will ever get back to wat it was last time, for a short while. meanwhile there's no choice but to juz hold on.. and keep working at it.

i guess its a vicious cycle... my mood affects my life, and consequently my life affects my mood... they feed each other. so how?? nothing else but to break the cycle by improving my mood i suppose.. so ya loh as i said.. its to focus on the +VE!!

ok mebbe i shld start with this one.. the raspberry yoghurt i ate was yummy!! bought it at giant supermarket at imm.. guess its partly due to my long-time biase for raspberry.. heh.. in fact my fav pokka tea is - no prizes for guessing - raspberry tea. heh

and met up with this group of frens.. htink they're really nice.. cuz i dun really noe them but they seem so welcoming.. like i havent met them in qte a while, and they were qte eager to see how i have been.. yepz love begets love.. (btw tats how women work.. if they want sthg, they'll give it first. but of cuz it does'nt include bad things.. heh.)

k its kinda late.. think i gtg zzzz. nitez folks.. may all your tmrs always be better days..

music of the moment: nil

juz went through this horrible thermo quiz. horrible in part cuz i din study for most of it. heh.
am i repentant? not really. heh. it juz happens tat before i cld start catching up on this subj the test is here ald. cuz well the thing is, its not as if i din wanna study for it. i was attending the lecs faithfully until i decided tat even tho i did i wasn't absorbing even 20% of the lec. cuz well its partly cuz my foundation in thermo was almost non-existent in teh first place....and also cuz all those Qs and Ws and Ss and how they're related juz confuses me... *juz thinking bout it gives me the creeps*

irritating thermo.

anw yay the recess is finally here. finally i can have a legal break, however short it may be. heh. = to myself: jia you!

music of the moment: nil

arrgh this is so embarrassing.. i juz got shushed at a lib!! not by a librarian, but by a fellow lib somemore.. shows tat i was really loud and disturbing??

but teh worse thing was i was trying to get my pa to send me some stuff over teh internet via email, so i was telling him my username and password over the phone. so its like, everyone cld hear me reveal my username and password, and its so loud and clear tat its so disturbing??

i feel so stupid now.. like now everyone noes wat my password was?? and more embarrassing was teh fact tat my password was sthg really cheesy.. *blush* but i really had no choice cuz i really wanted the doc sent to be now, and the only computor literate person in my home's away flying to nz. so had to get my comp illiterate pa to do the job instead. double sighz.

k mebbe i shld get away from the lib before pp start to rem who i am liao.. then next time when they see me ard in sch they'd rem "oh she's the one whose password is so cheesy"--goodness!!

anw ya be assured tat the first thing i did after putting down the phone was to change my password. but its still cheesy.. heh..

sigh and to think my horoscope for today says "intelligence is a powerful aphrodisiac, especially for quiet, domestic types." sighz i feel demoralized again. :(

music of the moment: nil

i juz hate it when things go wrong. i juz hate it when (good) things change. i juz hate it when things dun go according to my expectations. i juz hate it when things dun progress. i juz hate it when i've to pretend nothing's wrong when there IS something wrong.

sorry folks juz let me vent my frustrations k. whoever stops me is crazy and cruel.






i think one reason y i'm so frustrated is cuz i feel guilty about feelign all these, like hello? i'm supposed to be pro-active and positive?? and like i reap wat i sow? but dunno leh if i put in effort and no one else does i'd lose qte a bit of interest also. and like when im' in panic mode i freeze.. so everything becomes worse.

haha i dun think anyone is gg to understand today's entry.. cuz its all messed up.. like how i'm feeling now. heh. oooooooooh its cold.

music of the moment: nil

feel so stressed now. juz met a deadline, and right after tat i've got to take care of another one. and its not juz tat. i actually have 3 more deadlines to meet. not to mention cuz of those stooooooopid deadlines i've totally neglected my lecs and tuts. in fact, i'm juz bout to confess something.. something which i havent told anyone. tat is, today's teh 4th day tat i've not been attending lecs and tuts!!!! feel so lousy. sobz!!!!!!!11

but! before you condemn me, hear me out! on friday i din go sch. cuz of some reasons kinda difficult to explain here, on sat i had to go to this seminar which i paid for long long ago before the term even started (paid alot too!), on mon and tues was busy with ia selection and registration so missed teh mornign lecs.. but i still attended teh labs la.

i have 3 stoopid deadlines in front of me but im' juz nt progressing. cuz well i dun really noe how to do them. mebbe i shld anyhow do, complete it then i wont be so stressed liao.

y is teh world such a stressful place.....................hmm mebbe i shld follow this.. to quote from weifeng,
"Lighten up and slide on over
Taking it easy is serious business"

and yeah i'm trying to.............

sighz

music of the moment: nil

$4 for 1 bun and 6pc of fish mcdippers. hmm tats how much i spent and ate for my lunch and dinner altogether today.. and its really not worth it.

*feeling hungry*

sent a fren off at the airport today. had lessons till 1230, went all the way to the airport, reached at 2, hung ard till 430, went back to sch, reached at 630 to have makeup lec until 8pm. hmm tats 3.5 hrs of travelling time for 2.5 hours of hanging ard at the airport.

i have effectively about 2 days to do a lab report which i normally take bout 1 week to do.

and 2 hours more to study for a test held tmr.

and 1 hour to do research for project

and 6 more hours to slp for tonight if i go slp now.

a fren asked me how i was. i guess today's entry about sums it up?

music of the moment: nil

i feel so dumb. so dumb to keep bungling stuff up, and so dumb to believe in fairy tales.

music of the moment: nil

what do you do when the one who hurts you is..

music of the moment: nil

din wanna blog cuz i'm supposed to be doing some assig tats due tmr. but oh well was reading through my prev entries during my break when i realised tat i've got sthg to update about.. and i tot it wld be qte a pity if i din so here i am.

oh well rem i mentioned about C and D in the CAC pageant, oh well, the pageant was held last saturday at Crown Prince hotel. and guess wat one of them became the king and the other his runner up cum mr personality. either i've got really good looking/charming frens or the standard was ahem, you noe. heh. but i shall say its the former! haha..

okok i noe i havent revealed who got wat position. yepz rem i said C was better looking than D? i forgot to say i also tot C was more charming, and i still maintain my stand but apparently my views werent shared by teh judges tat evening.

gosh. still can't believe D's the king of CAC now??? was lunching with J juz now when Y came over and chatted about saturday night. commented tat D was "ren2 jian4 ren2 ai4" i was like "errrrrr............" . i fear for his ego.. am afraid it might juz burst. haha ok la muz clarify tat D's not as bad as i implied.. he's actually ok. frenly, sociable, ok looks, and erm ya he's got a bit of charm (altho i juz can't help feeling tat its not very natural. heh) juz tat i juz think he's not as fantastic as wat Y says or as how a manhunt winner should be loh.

hmm but on hindsight i guess its really not surprising tat D would get a better result than C i suppose. cuz frankly i dun think C's stylist did him justice tat night. honestly i dun think C looked good with tat spiky and ultraman hairstyle tat he had on. plus i guess someone saw tat his attraction was his quiet charm, and mebbe tat someone told him to emphasis it so he ended up adopting a cool, laid back persona with v few smiles and loads of dao1 looks, which wld of cuz be much less of a crowd pleaser than D's skilfully applied charm-in-your-face tactic. another minus pt for chris would be his Q and A. his qn was "wat object would you use to describe yourself and why?" he answered tat he would be a guitar becuz well a guitar produces music and entertains pp. juz like him.. he likes to sing and entertain pp. i think you need practice/thinking time for this kind of question.. the undefined scope doesn't help i guess. i mean like i can tell you wat kind of icecream i wld be cuz 1. the scope is narrowed down to icecream. 2. i kenna this qn dunno how many times ald. heh.

ya loh.. so despite his goodlooks, great dance moves (was qte amazed/impressed by his dance moves cuz i know he has got absolutely zero dance background) and quiet charm.. he still lost to D. sighz. but well i guess even then, the fact tat he's got runner up shows something, no? hehe

wow ok i've written so much! and i've not gotten to the whole event in general. heh. i've actually qte some more things to say.. but i think i gotta go soon... gonna pop by dance later. which i've been doing on a really irregular basis.. sighz

sighz i took 4 hours to print out 2 empty tables and draw 9 small pics in the boxes?? haha ok la in tat 4 hours i also chatted a bit on msn and checked a bit of mail. heeeez. but well i havent talked to this person in ages and erm dun really bear to go off juz like tat.. so.. heez.

yepz later folks ~

music of the moment: Day Without Rain by Enya

haha i had free food on saturday again. but tats not due to someone's generosity this time, its cuz i forgot to pay for the food *OOPZ* yeah.. i had soup at coffee club at hotel rendezvouz and when it was time for me to leave, i juz left. heh. well actually recently i've been forgetting to pay for my meals, juz tat my frens have been around to save me from committing teh cheating act. but this time i was alone see.. so.. err there wasn't anyone around to remind me to pay for meals. so, ya.. free lunch (or dinner) does exist! :P but oh well the soup wasnt TAAAT nice anw.. its was broccolli.. and only worth $3.50.

hmm come to think of it, i've been having qte a few free meals lately. (excluding meals which i got treated to or which i ate at home) i have eaten at least 3.. dinner on thurs, lunch on fri and dinner on sat (tat miserable cup of soup was my dinner.. )

hmm speaking of so much free meals i'm getting to be really qte hungry now. oh shucks was planning to buy some sardine curry puffs to last me until i get home for dinner.. now i suppose the stall is closed!! :( sigh i wanna eat sardine curry puff.........

~~

music of the moment: nil

today i had a free lunch!! and the good thing is, its more than juz soggy mac fries and burger.. hehehe.. in fact, its a buffet with variety and interesting dishes! hehe i muz thank mpe for providing such good welfare to us..
heh k la its not everyday tat we get to have this treat.. its only cuz its the official launch of teh marine and offshore engineering course in mpe, and since there're outside pple comnig in to talk to us regarding the course, so of cuz the school muz keep up appearances?? hehe im' juz guessing btw.. mebbe the school IS tat generous..

and yeah now i'm qte interested in marine engineering.. and i noe more about it. its basically about ship building, repairing.. mostly about ships i guess. hmm actually its common sense hor, if aero is about planes then marine shld b about ships?? hehe.. y din it occur to me :P

ya and i'm really interested in trying marine eng for my ia now. 2 companies which i'm interested in wld be keppel, and pan united. pan united is a local company, not exactly v big sized. my fren is having ia there now and i heard tat there isn't much office politics there. which is a major plus point. i had some bad experience.. and i'd want to delay a repeat of tat as long as i can help it.. heh. on the other hand, keppel is, as every singaporean noes, big. and it seems like hte job scope there is more interesting too (but of cuz it also means more challenging ie tough).

hmm but 2 bad things about working in teh marine industry: loads and loads of overtime!!! cuz well the maritime industry is an impt one in s'pore, and of i guess at any one time there wld be ships in teh port waiting to be repaired and ships waiting to be built. heh. the overtime is compounded by distance of the marine eng companies from lavender. cuz htey're all around jurong/tuas area. well i have thought about psa, which is in tanjong pagar, but i'm not sure whether they're offering ia and besides i heard the politics there suck. oh well, shall see wat to do.

oh btw, singapore has got a new Prime Minister!!! Congrats to PM Lee Hsien Loong! altho i sorta miss PM Goh. i wonder how things will be like in the coming years. to be truthful i heard the masses dun exactly adore PM Lee Jr.. in fact they htink he got the post only cuz of his surname. no comments cuz i dun really like to get in touch with politics (as can be seen in teh prev para. heh ) gasp i can't believe i'm so bold as to discuss politics here. oh well. free speech for everyone.. anw i'm not speaking against anythign.. juz gossiping actually. heh.

hmm i'm not surprised if this is the longest entry in dunno how many months. cuz well i'm typing with italics font.. and i think it sorta makes me want to write more! but i guess regular font is better for reading??

nowadays my nick on msn is "not too yummy". cuz i fell sick on tuesday. bleah. its the usual flu and sore throat and cough etc.. and as usual too i guess i'll take a week to recover..heh. hmm actually mebbe not.. i'm ald at the later stages of my illness. ie my nose is really blocked 95% of the time with mucus tats really hard to blow away. and usually this happens when i'm about to recover. yay.

i dun like to be in a mist. but sometimes the mist is there only cuz i allowed it to be. and when i want to get out if it, i discover the mist is juz too deep.

it rhymes, if you din notice :P

wldnt it be nice.. if everyone knew the right questions to ask?? or have the initiative to share?

i din even noe charm's coming back!! means i'll get to see alissa milano (is tat her name??) on screen again - i htink she's absolutely so charming (pardon the pun)! hmm its only today tat i realised charm's coming back.. sorry folks, realised i've been in the clamshell for qte a while..

pardon my bonkers behaviour if you see any.. its been ages since i last slept so late.. ie 3plus.
mayb i shld go slp now and give the comp up to my pa to play CHINESE chess. *wink*

~

music of the moment: nil

alright, so i have been mia again. i have this feeling tat everyone's so sick of seeing the same post everytime they visit my blog, tat no one's reading it anymore. so if you're one of the few looking at this sentence, i jzu wanna say a big THANK YOU for still being interested in my blog. heh

i htink i've been mia for too long.. so its kinda hard to write anything here. cuz well its kinda troublesome to start everythign lil story i have from scratch.. esp when so many days have passed and so of cuz the number of stories wont be singular?? heh

oh well. mayb i'll play catchup some other time.. :P

music of the moment: nil

Your Icecream Flavour is... French Vanilla!

You're a smooth and silky suave type! You exude class and you believe in tradition. A classical taste who doesn't like things to be too flashy or showy. Climb the Eiffel tower of taste with a spoonfull of you! Oui Oui!

Find out your icecream flavour here


wowz tats so me! :D

j'adore vanille!~

music of the moment: nil

i've found a replacement for the background sound.. but i forgot how to put it into my h drive! cow, pls help! (most prob i'll forget to ask you about it face to face. *wink*)

in my prev post i mentioned bout depression.. well recently a gal fren told me she has depression too.. apparently its rather common among females of the age 21-25.. cuz tats when we undergo teh gal to woman phase. hmm i wonder if guys have it too then....heh

went to esplanade to watch ntusb concert today.. it was ok.. but can be better. anw it was my first time gg to a perf in esplanade concert hall.. so it was qte an experience :)

looking around me i really feel quite blessed. tats y all the more i treasure what i have now.. :)

anw juz to add on to my last post, i counted and i realised i have 30 hours of lessons per week!!!! i tink tats absolutely terrifying.. :

oh well.

music of the moment: Day Without Rain by Enya
 
school has started!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
gonna be a rough ride again.. sighz.. this time i'm taking 24 AUS.. i tried taking 22 once, after which i realised its too much for me. i wonder how i'm gonna cope now..
 
but i guess i shldn't keep looking at the -ve side of things.. shld focus on the positive!!! ie.. err i can only think of one *wistful smile*
 
sighz i htink there's sthg wrong w me these 2 days.. dunno y i'm juz plagued with alot of -ve tots recently. i feel bleah. big change from juz 3 weeks ago. but logically there seems to be nothing wrong in my life. but nowadays its more like: i'll ponder over small little things everywhere and think they point to some not so small probs (whether existent or non-existent, heh) or it may be jus tat i'm getting into depression again. okz i noe, i muz get out of it even before i fall in. yepz.
 
sometimes i really think i think too much.. and too unnecessarily.. mebbe i shld htink bout other stuff.. heh
 
:)
 
hmm the background song is a bit.. melancholic. think i shld change it. soon. i hope.
hmm but need to find a replacement first..
 
 
 

music of the moment: Day Without Rain by Enya
 
testing:

music of the moment: Day Without Rain by Enya
 
dun feel like blogging. only came up cuz read in someone's blog tat blogger changed yet again. so came up here to have a look. and lo and behold, now not only can i do the usual stuff, i can also indent, insert bullets, change the font size/colour and even check spelling! haha apparently you can see i dun use tat function much :P
 
hmm i juz discovered that 2 of my sec sch frens are in the cac foc on thursday, when i went down to their sp night. and the more interesting thing is that they're both in the pageant!! hmm actually i wasn't really expecting tat.. i mean ok la.. C is good looking.. but errr D??? there must have been some shortage of good looking guys over there. oh well i'm not v sure. din really take a good look. hmm i sound so bad! ok la i dun mean to say D is ugly.. juz tat i think he's only OK loh..and ok la i guess tats cac foc for you.. always short of cute guys/pretty gals.. haha. i noe cuz my batch was like tat, and so was teh batch after mine.. oopz~ :P
 
and while i'm still on the topic, i juz found out sthg interesting bout one of the pageant gals.. haha wont elaborate here, otherwise someone will kill me for it.... wahahaha! *wink*
 
hmm suddenly i feel like peeling some rose petals.. like ariel in the little mermaid. and incidently, tats my fav childhood cartoon! mebbe i'm childish.. but recently i saw the jigsaw puzzle, and i was qte gian to buy it.. oh well. but i figured it wasnt worth 18 bucks.. heh..
 
anw i'm really glad for one of my close fren whose r/s seems to be recovering pretty well from 3 weeks ago.. think its a good start for more good things to come. go gal! i'm sure you 2 can do it :)
 
haha was thinking bout my graduation in 2 years time, and wondering wat my career wld be. and i'd like to find a job which i like, but i realised its kinda difficult cuz i realised i like slacking/enjoying life the most.. heeeeeez. well the closest "job" tat i can think of is being a tai-tai.. but well rich bfs are kinda hard to find nowadays.. haha. and hmm dun think i'd wanna find one now *wink*
 
k tats it, have been online trying to waste time for too long. shall go zzzzz now. nitez everyone

music of the moment: Day Without Rain by Enya

its very true. wat's very true? i'm talking about the "comfort zone syndrome". my sis and my godbro were juz talking about it last night. they were saying how this syndrome keeps them from changing jobs. (my sis's an air stewardess with sia -- i'm very different from my sis, physically at least -- and my godbro's a mech engineer with saf -- oh he juz got promoted to the rank of major)

for me, its more of inertia to break out of my usual lifestyle, or to break out of my usual thinking habits even tho i know i wont get anywhere with them. like right now, i've got a chance to design something and hence start my portfolio. wanted to make use of my free afternoon today to do it, but in the end, the forecast of silly probs (no ideas, slowing down of comp system) made me procrastinate till now. and still procrastinating. ridiculous right.

mebbe this is an excuse, but i think i need rest. have been on higher than normal drive for teh past 2mths, its time i rested i think. especially now when i need to recuperate for school reopening (it's happening in less than 2 weeks time!!ARRGH!!). cuz term time is a very tiring time for me.. and there'll be no rest until recess. and even then i dun htink i can rest much cuz i'll b busy catchign up on my studies. sigh.

but wat pressures me most is tat i feel guilty bout resting! read in wink and grow rich tat there's a season for everything, and i totally agree. and i guess mebbe now is my autumn time? heez. but there's so many things to do, and i keep feelign guilty bout my never-ending procrastinations.

ok i guess by this time anyone reading htis wld think "y dun this silly gal juz once and for all decide whether she wants to rest or stop procrastinating, wldnt tat solve all the probs.."
i totally agree. and so i shall go meditate on it. haaaaaaaaaa................a bientot, peeps! heh

music of the moment: Day Without Rain by Enya

My japanese name is 秋本 Akimoto (autumn book) 千秋 Chiaki (very fine in autumn).

tat was for my chinese name..

My japanese name is 秋本 Akimoto (autumn book) 歩 Ayumi (walk, deeper meaning: walk your own way)

now i know the famous jap singer is called "sylvia" too! :P



Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator.

music of the moment: Day Without Rain by Enya

i'm jus back from bs with weixiu and i feel much better now. ok i havent really sorted out my thinking but now i know when i do try, i will be able to come to some headway i guess. :)

things like work, provision of material needs, contentment..

ya i'm really glad that i'm not alone in "Narrow-way".. otherwise i'll easily fall off the track..

hmm and today is kinda sweet :)

my life is still changed, the challenges are still there, but now i'm sure that i will not be left alone to handle them. for i know i'm being taken care of :)

music of the moment: Day Without Rain by Enya

hmm actually i blogged a few days ago.. but no matter wat i do (refresh, clear cache and refresh, try to view from blogger) i dun see the post on my page.. i think there's somethign wrong with blogger. ...

have been playing isketch recently. its kinda addictive... hehe
go www.isketch.net to play it.

really alot of changes to my life lately. i pray that He will give me strength and wisdom and guidance and watever else i need to lead me through and keep my feet firmly on the ground..

music of the moment: Day Without Rain by Enya

hmm time has passed by so fast!!! its been.. how long?? i suspect its been more than one week since i last blogged.. hmm..

anw had qte a sweet friday last week :) i guess its true.. its not the htings tats done.. but the desire to do those things. its teh heart tat matters..hmm it sounds hugely familiar..............*winkz*

hmm.. qte a few doubts/insecurities came up to me these 2 days.. dun think i shld igore them, rather i shld think bout them, but at teh same time, have courage and confidence to see past them, have a wider perspective. :)

hmm i like to see things in a proactive way.. y brood over things and let it affect your day?? i'd prefer happier, brighter days.. either i change myself to suit my env, or i change the env to suit me. the keyword is change! if i can't/dunno how to solve them myself, i'd ask for advice.. helps most of the time.. :)

hmm htink i shld go slp soon.. havent been slping before 4 nowadays.. heh

music of the moment: Day Without Rain by Enya

oh man wat am i doing here so late at 4am in teh morning.
said i wanna go back to slping early, but in the end? weak will power took over

i think i have changed. qte a bit. have been doing a lot of new stuff lately. heh. good or bad? think i'll have to monitor. to control too much, things wont improve. too little, and things may go haywire. arrgh i feel lazy... too lazy to monitor every decision i make. sometimes i juz leave things to circumstances.. sometimes i decide on sthg and hope things work out. no longer the logical and doubtful me. heh.

dun think this entry makes sense. too garbled.

anw happy for a fren. he got attached. initially was really shocked actually. din see it coming at all!!! told me tat things only started to build up (from near scratch!!!) within a few weeks??? sometimes things are juz a bit bu4 ke3 si1 yi4. and tats y, have hope!!! in watever you do, no matter wat happens to you. you never know wat God's plans are. for they're above logic, above men.

brothers and sisters, let us endure! like onesiphorus. and remember the soldier, the athlete and the farmer. for treasure is already there for us, juz tat its kinda hard for us to see it now. heh. and for those who have disowned, come back, for a lost son is always precious, is always treasured.

think i should sleep soon. be happy :)

music of the moment: Day Without Rain by Enya

hmmmm thurs was a really special day.. cuz it was teh end of sthg.. yet the beginning of anohter.. haha did qte a few interesting things for the first time too.. *winkz*

hmmmm but.. juz went to suntec juz now, and i realised htis beginnign may come with the end of another....altho it wld really be nice if we cld enjoy bliss together.. but.. hmm can only see wats gonna happen next.. hope htings turn out fine.....

hmm really abstract entry tonight :P

music of the moment: Day Without Rain by Enya

just read someone's blog juz now.. and i feel a bit shang1 gan3. i feel that it seems like his world is so different from mine now.. like i can't really relate to it.......the style of the tots are similar.. but juz ca'nt relate, i also dun really noe why.

then again, i havent been really able to relate all the while..

mebbe its cuz my expectations are too high, wat i think natural, is only a maybe. sometimes when you expect too much of something, you tend to miss the little traces of it, which are actually good enough..hmm so mebbe if i learn to let go, things will better??

i realise one can be a great counsellor.. but no one is ever a lousy consoler. if you console a fren, and your fren does not feel better, it does not mean you're lousy. it juz means tat wta you offer does not coincide with wat your fren needs. so.. ya i was wrong bout someone.. i apologise......

ya this ends my blog for today. gotta wake up early to go work as a salesgal in bugis tmr.. and ya tats wat i've been doing for the past 3 days (from 9am to 9pm.. my feet hurts!!!) tats y the absence of any new entries..

music of the moment: Day Without Rain by Enya

wah finally my blog got music..... Thanks to The Cow, as he wants to be known.. arhahaha...hmm if its too noisy juz click the stop button k!!! heeez.

but. for now at least, i cant post the other music up yet.. cuz.. err of some technical probs.. :P sigh i shall see wat i can do once again.

yepz juz went swimming today 2nd time swimming this week! alone somemore! first time doing tat.. hmm qte proud of myself... heez.. cuz there's some progress on my health and fitness project! ie to exercise more :P hmm but then i was kinda proud of myself for being able to slp early too.. and nowadays i've gotten back to the slp-at-3 routine.. heh
hmm nono, i muz get back to slping early. soon. :P

hmm sigh......... somethings.. yuan3 zai4 tian1 bian1, jing4 zai4 yan3 qian2.. oh well y shld i care.. no point if i'm the only one who cares.

anw cant stay for long gonna meet fren liao.. shall continue blogging soon! (hopefully) =D

music of the moment: nil

hmm my fren juz told me tat he got paid to watch the 12 Girls Band from china.. im' soooooooooooo jealous!!!!!!! i mean.. its not the money.. its the fact tat he got to one of my fav band w/out paying a single cent...... arrgh

and sad to say i heard the attendance was only like.. 1/4??? guess not everyone noes how to appreciate them.. and those who do, can't afford?? like me.. heh

i got to noe another sad thing.. my fren juz told me tat he recently lost teh 3rd fren due to depression.. from suicide.. its really qte sad.. that so many people are falling prey to depression nowadays..

ya i think its good that the govt is trying to raise awareness of depression nowadays.. so that more people may be more willing to step forward to seek help, rahter than just feeling that they can solve it on their own..even when they're considering suicide.. in fact i've known that this is a medical condition since young.. cuz well. one of my relative's been taking medication for years..

and actually she doesn't really like people to know about it..i guess its cuz she's afraid that pple will think she's mental.. i juz think of those people as those who're really ignorant who doesn't care to widen their perspectives.

ya i juz wanna say that contrary to backward belief, having psychological illness DOES NOT equate to being crazy. psychological illness can take various forms, ranging from depression to ocd to schizophrenia and only pple afflicted with a select few types of psychological illness act weird and have to be confined to a hospital. otherwise, for the most part, they lead normal lives, have very normal behaviours (except when its acting up and for most of teh pple act-ups are really infrequent).

hmmm tats bout it. i hope this clears the air..

music of the moment: nil

oh wowz its been dunno how many days.........

alot of things have happened to me this past week!!! alot of things needed my decision.. have been thinking here thinking there about all htose stuff these few days.. esp when i'm bathing or when i'm lying on the bed... whehter it be in the morn, or in the night.. and its taking a toll on my slp!!!
ya.. havent been slping well manz.. i keep waking up.. and my slp is kinda extra light nowadays. darn.

realised tat my mindset is changing nowadays.. changing to be different from some of my frens.. but i trust my frens to want the best for me.. to catch me if i shld fall..

and.... que sera sera.. sometimes.. the timing is juz not right

and.. somethings.. are juz deep inside you.. such tat you cant really fathom.. oh well

hmm and i've got alot of things to read.. alot of cds to play.. dunno whether i've got time and discipline for all of them :P

music of the moment: nil

have been out the past few days now resting at home..

hmm have had some happening days this week!

lets see.. learnt the babysteps of flash from ty.. think its interesting! i look forward to being able to do more stuff.. got teh prog from him guess will be practising and exploring more at home.

wed had slight food poisoning after eating lunch at this restaurant at this civil service club.. but nevertheless had fun listening to the banter around me.. altho think the youngest person there (beside me) was like 46 yrs old??

hmmz feeling rather stressed now.... whole of my exam results were released yesterday night.. din do too well.
juz now was planning my timetable and realised that there were qte a few obstacles to me getting an honours, not to say a 2nd class honours which i was hoping to get. trying my best to plan a smooth path but there are so many things to consider..really hope i pull through.. but oh well.. guess i muz juz trust and and hold on..

music of the moment: A Day Without Rain

today managed to wake up in the mornign and get to Andrew's church to witness his baptism.. his was one of immersion in water.. first time i witnessed this kind of baptism actually.. and most prob wont undergo this.. the baptism service in my church is different.

then after tat went to bugis.. wanted to juz takeaway some lunch but ended up being attracted to the boutiques instead.. hehehe.. then i bought this top from m)phorsis at juz 10 bux!!! 70% discount.. haha i only buy clothes from there during their sales.. which as you can see.. is qte a big thing.. heez

and and and -- this i muz say -- crystal jade has opened another kitchen at bugis!!! ok i noe it may seem like juz a small hting.. but combine one of my fav restaurants with my fav hangout.. and you have a big rxn from me! hehee =P

realised i dun like to think.......i feel more than i think..and i often use my intuition for judgement.. and it seems like alot of times they are deep in my subconscious.. tats y very often i feel sthg.. but i dun really noe wat they are, and how to express them..suppose tats y i say my communication skills are lousy.. heh.. no choice, my brain is small.. hahaaa

even as i type the above paragraph, i'm squeezing my brain juices to figure things out.. to figure wat is gg on..

hmm..... am i stoopid or wat........ ha-ha

music of the moment: A Day Without Rain

this is irritating.. cld have slept earlier if not for - guess - a pot of curry!!!

ya.. this is too stupid for me to blog.. so shan't elaborate.. bleah..

hope i can wake at 8am for andrew's baptism tomorrow....

music of the moment: A Day Without Rain

new game to play with for all of you.. happy guessing!
courtesy of teddybearhao =P

music of the moment: A Day Without Rain

today is a saturday!!!!!

so far all my holiday saturdays have been spent at home. no dates! no tv! so boring. in a stoning mood for most of the day.
did nothing much.. played a bit of piano, read a bit. and only 30 min of tv tats slightly interesting. bleah.

all the hype bout saturday being the most happening day of the week does'nt help either! k logically i noe its only cuz the poor working class have to work mon to fri so sat and suns are their only day to have fun. but not me. but still!.. esp when the tv station expects everyone to be out partying on sat so doesnt broadcast any interesting progs.. arrgh~

anw yest sthg embarrassing happened to me. dunno y i was really really rude to this lady.. dunno wat came over me.. right in the middle of orchard road! everyone saw my rude act.. so embarrassing..

hmmz but its a good thing la.. woke me up.. made me realise tat i've been getting more and more aggressive..... this is baaaaaaaaaaaadddd!!! i guess its a side effect of growing to be bolder.. to dare to ask for things which i want instead of juz cowering and accepting juz the things tat pple give me. i mean ya i still think its good.. cuz this attitude got me things which i otherwise wldn't have gotten.. but now htis incident has reminded me tat i muz have control and not let it get to my head.. ie its good to be assertive, but not aggressive.. again, its MODERATION.. (xj: wats tat phrase again??)

oh, and yest i discovered i failed my maths!!! terrible. i mean i wldn't care less if not for tat 1) i've yet to clear another equally heavy subject. means besides the really horrible and heavy year 3 subjs tat i've to take next sem, i still have to take care of these 2 subjects. an alternative is to take them in year 4, but i'd have my fyp to be concerned about. arrgh. headache. and 2)i'd think maths carries a heavy weightage in the calculation for honours. makes things worse. =(

k enough of griping. falling asleep already. shall be slping soon.. but before tat, shall have prata as supper..yummy.. *winkz*

oh and i realise tat i blog better at night.. have more of the blogging mood at this time. hmmz actually generally i juz have more mood to do more htings at night than in the day. htink i've turned into a night person.. hmmz then isn't it kinda hard for me to revert back to the slp early regime?? nvm, for teh sake of my health (and panda eyes), shall try. hard. bleah.

eh. hope i'm talking sense...........

music of the moment: A Day Without Rain

i juz came back from spa at amore fitness club. now body oily all over...

hmmz it wasnt taaat relaxing.. only truly enjoyed teh head massage.. but i guess its cuz its my "virgin" massage so my body's kinda hard so the masseuse had to knead qte hard.. owww..

but well muz say its really nice of my sis to top up $38 on top of the $50 voucher for my spa trip.. heez..i'm qte lucky to get such a generous sis =P

din slp well last night.. realised nowadays if i start slping past a certain time i'll tend to slp less..i'll juz wake up after a certain duration la

wanted to go watch CO performance on sunday but apparently its full house. full house! cna't believe it. its only by tjco.. i wonder y its so popular..

anw i was saying in some prev post tat im' losing memory.. i think its getting kinda bad, gotten so bad tat i have to think for a while before i can even remember wat i did the day before.. tsk tsk..

and dunno y nowadays everyone is trying to SAVE MONEY.. imean save money we muz (altho i'm sure our money's not in any danger =P) but i value recreation too.. and somethings we juz have to pay before we get them.. i mean isnt it kinda boring to do the same things everytime?? ie the things which are free????

oh but dun get me wrong.. i'm not against saving money.. think its time to start our financial planning ald actually.. in fact kinda proud tat i saved bout 10plus on tcc yesterday.. heez.. hmm nice main, nice drink =)

ya wat i'm trying to say is.. have MODERATION!!! save money we muz, but i think we dun have to go to the extreme..think we'd be depriving ourselves of a lot of things if we restrain ourselves from doing this doing tat all cuz we want to save money..

i dunno if i have mentioned this to anyone before (probably yes)
but i realised tat in MOST things i do, i prefer to do in moderation. (notice the word most, i dun use extremes like ALL.. hehe). like for eg i dun adopt stick rigidly to a stand, i'll tend to qualify my stands. and i guess its also cuz i'm greedy, i want everything.. like in teh above paras, i want money, i also want recrea. ya.. and etc etc.........

heeeeeeeeezz

hmmz.. i dunno who's gonna be teh next AMI but i have a feeling if its Diana.. pple will say its racism.. oh well

music of the moment: A Day Without Rain

you'll find Te Esparare familiar.. hehe. nice song.

music of the moment: A Day Without Rain

i'm feeling so slpy and fatigued now have this feeling tat i'll have trouble slpign later on.. you noe sometimes you're juz too tired to slp??? sounds weird but it does happen..

*woozy woozy woozy*

music of the moment: A Day Without Rain

intro:
havent been blogging for qte a few days!
shiseido
50 first dates
financial freedom vs financial control
there are somethings tat i juz find it v hard to figure out..
my mem is failing me..
cashstrapped

body:
havent been blogging for qte a few days!
since: 3 days ago. hmmz realised nowadays i blog at an interval of 3 days each. i dun do it deliberately, it juz happens this way.. also dunno y.
why: cuz my lifestyle change have been successful! *beams* instead of being online in the wee hours of the morning, i now come online in the day. so if i go out, i wont have chance to come online.. and i wont touch the comp once i come back (cuz i'm afraid i wont be able to get myself off the comp before 12. so time online is decreased, consequently less chances to blog. there you have it.

shiseido
went for shiseido talk yesterday.
seems like there're alot of these kind of talks organised everytime in ntu, but juz tat i din get to hear of them. mebbe cuz i dun really participate in much of the activities that shiseido/other cosmetic companies sponsors
tips/knowledge learnt:
a)wash your face downward and outward to avoid pushing dirt back into pores again (the pores grow downward, dun really understand wat the presenter meant either actually =P)
b)all families have a smell of their own so if a member has BO, he can't depend on his family to alert him, cuz most prob they have the same smell and thus they cant detect the BO. Hahaha!
c)besides dry skin, oily skin, combi skin, there's another skin type called "dehydrated skin". skin is oily underneath, but dry on the surface.

**** saved on 25th May at 1230 ****

right now i'm kinda tired.. its only 1am but i feel really slpy ald.. can see how successful my lifestyle change is, eh?? hehehe
here only cuz waiting for hair to dry..

anw ya too tired to continue wat i left off yesterday.. so mebbe shall continue next time i blog....... heez

well today had a fun day.. ate at tcc -- hmmz this is teh 4th time im' eating there in a week, cuz i've got coupons there! i save up to 50% of the bill =D --, played pool (surprisingly i din get thrashed, hehehe), and ate icecream at my favourite cafe -- wat else -- cartel!! hehehe.. but this time ate almond and caramel cup.. nice too! =D

hmmz.. some stuff are juz so knotty.. fear of falling/being hurt and past bad experiences doensn't help.. dun really dare to htink about them..

i wonder if i get a bf, will htings be teh same?? most of my frens start to neglect me when they get gf/bf. altho its understandable, i still resent tat.. i have lost at least 3 good frens becuz of this.. its more than enough.. but if i get attached, will i do tat to my frens too?? even if i want to meet up, will my frens want to go out with me?? =|

anw i'm gg spa tmr!! will be my first time there.. and only time in teh near future.. haha cuz i'm not so rich -- a trip there costs AT LEAST $50!!! -- i got this as a bday gift from my sis (voucher)

and frenship, once damaged, takes time to heal.. it can only be the same when the hurt it healed.. and not necessarily when forgiveness takes place..

arrgh the chinese phy reminded me to slp before 12 juz today and now i'm still not slping.. can juz feel my eyes turnign darker!!!! *blush*

shall go slp soon.. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz