here's an article from career central june 2006 which i found to be useful. it is about job burnout, a condition whereby pp dread gg to work at the start of everyweek. haha and i actually tot monday blues was unavoidable. anw, i typed all this out lo.. pls at least scan till the end of the post to make my efforts worthwhile.. =p besides thats where the solutions for job burnout are, so it will be worth reading too..

STRETCHED TOO THIN?

"In today's fast-paced world, experiencing job burnout may be a phenomenon which is common and even understandable. as teh pace of globalisation increases, singaporeans ahve to constantly prove their worth in a global marketplace to keep their jobs.

Often, employees stretch themselves beyond breaking point to out-perform their colleagues or to meet the expectations of their employees, in the hope of securing tat promotion or salary increments. there are those who have survived retrenchment, only to find themselves putting in extra hours to cover the work of those who've left.

What is job burnout?
Job burnout occurs when a person pushes himself too hard and subjects himself to stress or long hours of work without taking breaks or sufficient rests. Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary defines burnout as "exhaustion of physical or emotional strength or motivation, usually as a result of prolonged stress or frustration".

The causes of job burnout are diverse and different for everyone. even if you are not putting in extra hours at work, you may suffer from burnout if your work does not pique ur interest at all. also experiencing job burnout does not necessarily mean tat you detest your job - it's possible for you to experience burnout even when you're working in your dream job.

Jonathan Yue, 25, who was working as a logistics assistant, shares his job burnout episode. "i used to work in a local firm and truly liked the nature of my job. however, my bosses tended to give me tasks where i had no idea of what i was doing or even why i was made to do them. if the task went fine, that was the end of the matter. but if any problems occurred, i was answerable to them."

Jonathan adds, "at first, i could deal with their work attitude and the way i was treated. however, a few months later, i began to feel more stressed and unhappy. i smoked more and became moody. for the sake of my health, i decided to quit and find a new job."

Symptoms of burnout
Feeling moody and stressed are some symptoms of job burnout. others may feel like skipping work and spend teh day hiding in bed while soe may come to work late, unkempt, fatigued adn irritable. others may waste their time checking mails instead of cleawring up their piling work. you may also experience forgetfulness, random bouts of crying and an inability to concentrate. you feel bored with your work, and cant recall why the job used to appeal to you. even your wonderfully witty colleagues and bosses start to sseem like annoying creatures that simply would not leave you alone.

Gordon Phua, 26, suffered from burnout in his previous job as a programmer because he was severely underpaid. he felt depressed and had to drag himself to work only after a few weeks into his new job. he says, "i simply felt like sleeping. perhaps it was escapism because i wanted to evade the issues that were making me unhappy at work. in the end i quit my job because i could not deal with it. it was simply not good for me."

Burnout solutions
Although Jonathan and Gordon resorted to quitting their jobs, be aware that this is not the long term solution to the problem.

to begin, you have to examine the reasons that may have caused you to feel burned out from your job. Begin by asking yourself the following:

1. When did you start feeling like you are suffering from job burnout? is there a particular period or date?
2. What were the significant events that ignited these feelings? were there any restructuring, retrenchment, change in management, job scope or changes in the industry?
3. where do you feel that you suffer most from job burnout? is it in the office or at home becuz you have to rush out the extra work tat you brought back?

once you have determined the cause(s), it is time to list down the ways you can overcome job burnout
Here are some suggestions that you can adopt to make your like at work a calmer and happier one:

1. Reach out and ask for help. Speak to your boss or colleagues about what you are feeling and ask them for help in resolving hte problems you are facing. your boss for eg, has the power to modify yoru job scope to suit your feedback, extend deadlines where possible and increase your pay if you give justifiable rasons. your colleagues can also help wiht your workload. even if it does not solve your problems, you will find listening ears which may help you feel less depressed about work.

2. switch depts. if you have reached your maximum potential in a job and feel that you are no longer "growing" on the job, it is time to request for new challenges or more responsibilities in the same company.

3. pick up a hobby. you may be feeling the sting of job burnout simply becuz you do not factor in "fun times" into ur hectic life. picking up an exciting hobby like salsa for eg, will help you be refreshed and allow you to tackle your job with new-found exuberance.

4. go on dates. go out with your partner, friends, family members after work or during the weekends and allow yourself to be swept away with social affairs instead of living, htinking and breathing your job. having a break may just make you a better performer.

5. take a holiday. go to a far-off island in the middle of nowhere, clad yourself in beachwear, sip a margarita and allow nature to soothe your frazzled nerves. even a trip to nearby bintan or batam may be the antidote for your burnout.

6. leave time for yourself. whether it is reading or jogging, always have some time to yourself to unwind from a stressful day at work. this will give you peace of mind and leave you recharged mentally and physically. those happier at work are those who have a well-balanced life with time for themselves.

If all else fails, find a new job! it is better to change jobs and even accept a pay reduction if it will return your sanity and make you feel better."


heh heh.. typed this in about half an hour.. so pardon the typos.. =p

yet another quote: "anger is only a way of punishing oneself for another's misdeeds"

ok....to everyone who's been reading my blog..i juz wanna clarify.. tat the post "no sex" was not written by me, but by some other gal i happened to chance upon the net. which means, i dun necessarily agree with what she said about not blaming the guy for being pissed off w his wife juz cuz she's not having sex w him. following the blog post are some of the comments posted to TAT blog, which i think are worth noting.. and following the comments are some of the lessons tat i learn from all the comments..lemme post my tots below again, in case some of you are so disgusted by the earlier part of the post tat you dun bother to read to the end.


lessons tat i learnt:

1. post partum depression can make moms resistant to sex
2. post partum depression can result from work overload yet little recognition for the workload.
3. to men, sex is an expression of love, juz like how communication is to women.
4. that is why men feel unloved when their wife refuse to have sex with them, and tend to find sex outside of marriage when it happens.
5. hence, sex is one of the (many) important factors for a successful marriage.
6. however, although sex is a means of expression of love, juz as important as communication, it is not the be all and end all of intimacy between man and wife. Intimacy can be, and shld be, achieved by many other means.
7. also, sex is juz a subset of marriage. There are many things to marriage besides sex, marriage is a convenant to love, no matter wat happens.
8. (hmmm can I then say that sex is a subset of intimacy, which is a subset of marriage??)
9. verdict: as with all other conflicts, both parties have to be understanding towards each other and work together to maintain the good relationship. In this case, the wife has to understand the husband needs sex to feel loved, otherwise the husband might stray, the husband needs to understand tat if the wife does not want sex, it is becuz she is really bogged down by the fatigue of looking after the newborn child ALL DAY, and/or tat she is depressed and hence not in the mood for sex.
10. hence, wat the husband needs to do, is to alleviate her duress by helping her with the chores, and making her feel loved by romancing her, by assuring her with respect to any doubts tat she might have, including but not limited to doubts about her attractiveness.
11. and wat the wife needs to do, is to well, enjoy and delight in the intimacy tat sex brings to the marriage, and not see it as a chore.



and sorry if i have disgusted you by the many times i throw the word "sex" ard, but really, isnt it sthg natural, even sacred between a MARRIED couple? juz cuz it has been abused by so many ignorant teenagers, and single pp who have no reservations about sleeping around, it doesnt deserve to be robbed of its purity and sacredness as the ultimate expression of love between a man and his wife. sex is meant to be exclusive, sacred, wonderful. it is not meant to be abused, taboo nor shameful.

another point, i dunno if you have noticed, but i'm definitely not promoting sex as the ONLY way to have a successful marriage. note points 6, 7, and 8 in the paragraph above.


so there. hope this post clears all misunderstanding.. haiz. so many feathers ruffled for nothing.

came across this blog post.. guess this wld be one of the probs tat most of us wld be facing a few years down the road.. its worth a few tots..posted some of the comments which i tot was worth looking at too..

go here to access the blog itself.



"No Sex

I had lunch with a guy I work with who told me the unwelcome information that his new wife, who just had a baby, hasn't had sex with him for 8 months now. She didn't want to have sex while she was pregnant, which he didn't like, but assumed would end when she was no longer pregnant. There was nothing physically wrong with her, and no doctor made this reccomendation, she just decided that's the way it would go down, so to speak.

It's been five months now, since the baby was born. She's fine, the baby's fine, and she still won't have sex with him. He told me that he feels like he is falling out of love with her. If they don't have sex, he doesn't feel like he's in love anymore.

I can't wait to read the screaming comments I get on this blog post but here's the deal, I take his side in this. His wife is lucky enough to be a full time stay at home mom, while he is working 12 hour days, so I just don't buy that she is too tired, and furthermore (here's where I'll be really unpopular) so what?

You heard me. So what?

I am tired of women who marry a guy, expect him to be faithful, and then refuse to have sex with him, and then act all surprised when he wants to end the relationship.

Every sex expert out there will tell you that men bond through sex. Cuddling is what that do when they can't have sex, or want to get to sex. If you don't have sex with the guy in your life, he stops loving you.

And I don't blame him.

Sure, your his partner and his friend and his confident and a lot of other things but if you married him, you made him promise to have sex with you and only you, and if you don't have sex with him, you are a terrible wife, and he may very well leave you.

And I don't blame him.

Marriage is a deal. Sex was part of the deal. When you break the deal, don't be surprised if he breaks the deal, because the fact is, you broke the deal first.

Now go ahead and start yelling at me."

and the comments:

"An idea, remember what attracted each other and then never forget it. Don't let that flame go out. and, as far as relationships, anyway, learn and share everything together. Be each others best friend and always be there for each other."

"Wow. I agree with all the moms out there, as I am a mom of two myself. No childless person, or even a parent of a baby that is on a "perfect schedule" has any idea how much getting up every 2hours through the night only can affect your daytime mood and happiness. Then throw in the fact that SAHM get very little validation for any work they do...and bam you are ripe for low self esteem and depression. I really agree with the poster that talked about things in life taking away sex temporarily (cancer, babies, depression,etc). If you love your partner then you see there is more to any person than their sexual parts. intimacy is built into healthy relationships in so many other ways. NO ONE should ever feel they need to do something they don't want to do. I am more outraged by the response posts to this than the actual blog. Dont bargain with sex. to withhold, or to unwillingly "put out" is wrong. Sex is to be enjoyed its not a tool to use to punish or keep any person. They need help with their marriage...not sex"

"Maybe if the husband during his FREE time, instead of doing something fun -went HOME and took care of the baby so that his wife could get some UNINTERRUPTED sleep. There is no greater libido killer than RESENTMENT! I wouldn't be at all surprised to hear that during hubby's down time he isn't helping his wife at all and only thinking about himself. I personally, would rather have my two front teeth pulled than give one minute of PLEASURE to a man that I was ready to kill because he was do DAMN SELFISH. I don't even need to know the whole story. The mere fact that he's male and the wife doesn't want to have sex with him (and I'm guessing he is young) pretty much tells me exactly what is going on. Why do all men have such a hard time learning that if you want your wife to want you, surprise! YOU NEED TO MAKE IT GOOD FOR HER! All women love sex. There is either a hormone problem or her husband sucks in bed. When it's done right, that is, and not by the 3 minute wonder."

"First of all, the Grrl Genius isn't trying to steal this man... don't you people bother to read her posts? Or are you too lazy... so lazy that having a couple of kids is all you can handle in life. I've got two children, a full time job, and yes, it can be exhausting. But I have a great sex life with my husband. What sort of marriage would I have if I didn't even want to make love for eight months? BD"

"As a gay man, I believe I've done a little more research in this area than most of you. To a man, sex is an expression of love, the way communication is an expression of love to a woman. If a man refused to speak to you for eight months, you would certainly feel unloved, no matter what his excuse. Refusing sex for eight months sends your man the clear message that you don't love him. That's what this is all about."


"You know, in the past, I'd have disagreed with you. But now I'm living with a roommate whose dating life consists almost exclusively of providing sex that men aren't getting in their marriage. (They also, incidentally, often begin such relationships by having just the type of discussion you had with your co-worker.) Now I realize that it's much easier for a man to go looking elsewhere for sex than it is for him to work on any problems that may be causing the "dry spell." There are plenty of women who are happy to provide it.

So I agree, not with the principle of what you're saying, but with the facts: it's laughably easy for a man to first find someone who is sympathetic to his unhappiness (and does not care about his wife's side), and then will provide what he feels he is lacking. You may think of it as an expression of love and feeling close to each other, but he can and will get it from someone he neither loves nor feels close to.

Trust me."


"I think you are an absolute idiot!!! There is a lot more to marriage than sex. Does "for better or for worse" ring a bell? I think that you and your friend both throw the word divorce around like it's nothing. If he wasn't committed to his wife in the beginning then he shouldn't have married her. But he did and he has to realize that marriage goes a whole lot deeper than sex. What if one of them had some sort of an accident that prevented them from having sex again!?! Would you say divorce is the answer? I can't tell you how much it urks me listening to people like you who obviously don't have a clue what a real deep committed relationship is built of. Oh, and finally, this guy shouldn't be talking to you about this....he should be talking to his wife. Hearing about it from a third party (YOU) is completely unreliable because you don't know the half of it. It's none of your business and you shouldn't be giving him advice. You don't have a clue what you're talking about."


"If we can all agree that IF there is no medical problem (POST PARTUM), then she is heading for "other" problems because men DO equate sex to intimacy. And to all the mothers out there, "For better or worse" means things that are OUT OF YOUR CONTROL and sex isn't one of them. Why all the accusations towards women like us who are not married? We are just telling you the absolute truth, they will go somewhere else - even the good ones - don't KID yourself. And why all the screaming at Grrl Genius? They are co-workers who are friends. Better yet to talk about it to someone than act on it with someone. I know as well as everyone else here, women use sex as a weapon and if they take it to such a degree, men will retaliate. You may not like it, but is is the way the world is. I have a hard time believing all these moms who claim that it's because of the babies. I'm going to bet they weren't that hot to trot to begin with. All this man-bashing is a joke when it is women who have the biggest sexual hang-ups. Single, 38"

"The problem is that married guys only see the goal-sex. They figure just because they are married the wife has to do it. Well, if the guy would stop being hung up with the fact that his wife isn't 'putting out' and start trying to romance her again, maybe he wouldn't have that problem. She needs to feel beautiful, but she might feel ugly and useless because she feels she is failing him. But truthfully, he is failing her. He needs to be more mature about the situation and focus on her needs. There is always two sides to a story, don't judge her, she is a new mother. Everything is new to her, obviously. He must also be new at this, so someone should explain things to him. Sometimes we see only the thing affecting us and not the other party. He needs to listen up!"






lessons tat i learnt:

1. post partum depression can make moms resistant to sex
2. post partum depression can result from work overload yet little recognition for the workload.
3. to men, sex is an expression of love, juz like how communication is to women.
4. that is why men feel unloved when their wife refuse to have sex with them, and tend to find sex outside of marriage when it happens.
5. hence, sex is one of the (many) important factors for a successful marriage.
6. however, although sex is a means of expression of love, juz as important as communication, it is not the be all and end all of intimacy between man and wife. Intimacy can be, and shld be, achieved by many other means.
7. also, sex is juz a subset of marriage. There are many things to marriage besides sex, marriage is a convenant to love, no matter wat happens.
8. (hmmm can I then say that sex is a subset of intimacy, which is a subset of marriage??)
9. verdict: as with all other conflicts, both parties have to be understanding towards each other and work together to maintain the good relationship. In this case, the wife has to understand the husband needs sex to feel loved, otherwise the husband might stray, the husband needs to understand tat if the wife does not want sex, it is becuz she is really bogged down by the fatigue of looking after the newborn child ALL DAY, and/or tat she is depressed and hence not in the mood for sex.
10. hence, wat the husband needs to do, is to alleviate her duress by helping her with the chores, and making her feel loved by romancing her, by assuring her with respect to any doubts tat she might have, including but not limited to doubts about her attractiveness.
11. and wat the wife needs to do, is to well, enjoy and delight in the intimacy tat sex brings to the marriage, and not see it as a chore.

"people may not remember what you did for them, or even what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel."

tat is so true.......

juz to update on a previous post regarding my results, well i passed everythign!! thank God.. really.. i really wldnt hve been surprised if i din pass everything..

yup altho the results were far from ideal, with lots of Cs and even 1 D, i'm still qte happy.. cuz me passing means i stil have a chance at getting an honours, however small tat may be. and even if i really dun get any honours, well at least i saved an extra sem and the financial and time costs tat wld go along with it.

but well the only black spot is tat i seem to be doing badly for all my fav subjects, which happen to be the ones i'd be depending on when i'm applying for jobs tat i wld prefer. heh. but its okie, im sure He would bring me through. =)

a quiet fire burns deep within me,
its so deep you cant see.

but have faith and do not doubt,
even tho my passion is in shroud

patience is but everywhere,
juz be brave and its in your hands.

take hold of it,
and one day you'll see


the fire deep within.