hmmm havent been feeling too well lately.. neither physically nor emotionally..

physical wise, i was actually sick during the cny break. but miraclously, even tho i cldn't resist the temptation to munch on the new year goodies, i recovered by the end of the break. but! 1 week later i fell ill again. wasnt plagued by cough and sorethroat like last time, but now the flu is bad enough. usually i'll recover from my flu on the 2nd day tat i fell sick, but now 2nd day was still jialat. so i went to see a doc (for free!!) and got an MC.. and it was on a friday so effectively i have a longer wkend!!! hahaa...

anw ya i got saw a doc for free yest!! haha czu i went to the heeren branch of gethin-jones medical clinic (which was under ntu's medical scheme) and din get any medicine cuz i still had some supply from the last consultation. haha cheap thrill.. but still..

and as for emotional.. well i've been feeling slightly lonely and sad nowadays. and sometimes when i think back.. but well who cares?? it doesn't matter anw.

its really kinda tiring to try to keep htinking on the positive side al the time. especially when you can't even see a glimmer in the tunnel.

hmmm but i've survived until now.. i guess.. its all cuz of His grace.. yes i believe.. i believe in this: "...it was then that I was carrying you." which is the last line of an inspirational poem written by an unknown author, named "Footprints in the Sand".

Father, i thank You for the wisdom, strength and joy You've given me to get through the bad times, i pray that You'll continue to provide me with what i need. In Jesus's name i pray, amen.

i bought a new phone!!! its SE K700i. i think its named Kyocera too. nice name.. haha.

its a nice phone!! at first look it looks really masculine.. was something which made me hesitate to buy this phone actually. but after i bought it, i discovered its not so bad after all.. cuz the purple and pink back light made it not so masculine..:D

and true to wat pp say, the phone has got ALOT of features, all at such a cheap price!!! even w/out trade in, it costs only $268..and so far i havent heard of anyone complaining tat SE phones hang or spoil easily.. so i doubt the cheap price comes becuz of its poor quality. hmm well i hope not.

so far (meaning for the 30min tat i was playing with it) the only bad point about it is the keypad.. its kinda hard, not easy to press. thus the general speed of the phone is decreased..this is one big disadvantage compared to my nokia 6610. altho the 6610 keypad malfunctioned for not a few times, when it was good, it really was good. i cld literally slide over the buttons when msging.

sighz, actually din really bear to let go of my nokia 6610 phone.. no i'm not a nokia fan, juz tat this phone was with me through some significant ups and downs of my life.. it may seem absurd, but certain wall papers, ringtones and even my phone accessory hold some memories for me..
and no, even if i transfer all the pics and tones over to my new phone, and hang the same accessory on the new phone (which are not possible), its not gonna be the same. not at all..
i guess, deep down, i'm still not tat ready to let go...

but sighz wats the use of being emotional? there's no point at all..

eh wanted to slp at 12 but its 1am now. sighz i bet i'm gg to regret big time in teh morning later. bleah

wat does it mean when you see a spider on teh 2nd day of lunar new year and what will happen if you kill it???

wow i'm really very bold. i'm doing htis in the middle of my working hours in my office!!! =P =P

anw someone juz gave me more motivation to get rid of my eyecircles. this uncle in my office said this to me, "yuan3 kan4 hua1 hong2 hong2, jin4 kan4 hua1 sheng1 chong2" (from far flower looks nice, from near flower has lice)
!!!!!!!
no prizes for guessing who the flower refers to.
and i attribute the "chong2" to my dark eyecircles.. hmmph.

anw juz in case anyone is mistaken, the uncle did not mean i had lice.. and i dun have lice k. he juz meant that i look ugly when viewed from near.. which as i said, i attribute it to my eye circles..=S in fact i feel that my hair has become better.. i htink i made the right choice when i decided to cut bout 3 inches off it. think becuz now my hair is shorter, more nutrients get to the ends. but mebbe its juz my hallucination.. oh well. as long as i'm happy =p

hmmm Ker is a nice name.. mebbe i'll name my son Ker in future.. hehe

im really quite proud of my anger tolerance. i htink thats how i managed to survive the many battles between my sis and my mum..(cuz when tehy quarrel my mum will vent her frustrations by finding fault with and scolding anyone and anything, including me) and tats how i manage to kenna less of my mum's eruptions from my mum than my sis..cuz when my mum's angry w me, i'll juz tolerate and not talk back when i can..and thus appease my mum more easily.. and i can do it more often than my sis. heh.
i guess tats attributed to my personality.. i took a free DISC personality test once and it says i'm very low on the confrontational aspect. its really accurage on this count..

hmm today i din go work again. heh. i htink my sup's got a really bad impression of me liao.. since the 2nd week of my ia, i have been absent/leaving early once per week. (its the 4th week of my ia now) heh.
but its really not my fault.. on the 2nd week, i had to go collect sthg from careerhub and it only opens during office hours, 3rd week i had to go for annual medical appt (the doc is only available from wed and thurs 8am to 6pm), and ya today i went to see doc again cuz of my foot. as many of you noe, there's sthg wrong w it.. was so bad i was limping in the morn.. i seriously dunno wats wrong, even my chiropractioner (but who still eventually got it treated anw) had no idea. i was juz walking happily when i felt a slight pain in the soles of my foot. as i attributed it to a long day of walking, i din realy care about it and tats when it escalated to big pain later..but now its more or less ok..

***

sometimes when i wake up in the morn,
heartaches give me pain.
and tats when i know
that you were in my dreams again.

its a lazy friday afternoon.. and it happens to be a public holiday. and yesh here i am enjoying the fact that i'm dateless.. haha. you noe, its alright to be single. but to be single amidst a world full of couples??? tat would be interesting.
thats juz wat i realised on wednesday evening. as per usual, my ia mate kindly fetched me to jp after work, as he was gg to fetch his gf home anw and it wld be convenient for him to make the trip to jp. and after that i met up with rainne, who was accompanied by her bf, to take the train home together. and when i reached my house's lift lobby, i bumped into my sis and her bf, who were on the way to dinner and invited me to go along, which i did. so. to summarize, on wed evening i sat in my ia mate's car with his gf to jp, and i took the train home w rainne and her bf, and i ate dinner w my sis and her bf. i had the company of 3 couples back to back. interesting right. come to think of it, i've had enough practice being a light bulb since like ages ago. heh.

i hate pp who think they know everything AND look down on pp who dun. i mean, pp who think they know everything are not so bad, the problem comes when they start to become smug and reject others' opinions cuz of it. its kinda hard to be their friends w/out feeling put down alot of times.

ok enough of whining and negative thoughts. had dinner w shao yesterday. was really good! its the best vietnamese cuisine i ever tasted (ok i dun really go for vietnamese food all the time). the meatball was soft but chewy, and the pork loins were lean.. v few fatty parts. the food was tasty w/out being overwhelming.. they give big servings too.. i ate this crabmeat (not crabstick) soup htingy, and there were 4 clams, 2 prawns (not shrimps), 2 big slices of pork loins, alot of tomatoes, healthy servign of veggies and of cuz soup filled with pieces of crabmeat. and (for the set meal at least) we had free flow of drinks. the service was really wonderful too, w/out asking, we were given recommendations and tips to enjoy our food better. the owner also came by our table to ask if we enjoyed the food.
for great quality, quantity and service - and good ambience - , you'd expect the price to be very "great" too right? on the contrary, the food there was reasonably priced $12 for set meal which includes main course (worth $8), (free flow of) drink and an appetiser (which i exchanged for dessert). because its qte a small restaurant, there were no gst/cess charges.
the only bad thing i encountered yesterday was its ice lemon tea. it was not very sweet, quite sour actually. but the sugary sweet dessert (i ate this banana cream sago thingy) compensated for it.
haha i've been gg on and on w/out saying where it is. its in the middle of the row of restaurants juz next to sky garden at suntec. do visit it to keep it alive.. cuz there's surprisingly little patronage from teh suntec crowds. its qte strange cuz its not as if its a new shop, i heard its been there for qte some time. oh well.

i realised it is true that when we love someone, our feelings go together with them. ie when they feel sad, we feel sad. and when they are joyous, we will be joyous. i guess that's good (for when that happens, joy is doubled and sadness halved), but we must always remember that as friends who love them, we should also stay logical and lookout for them. this is so that our friends, who are overwhelmed with emotions and not fully able to think rationally, can have a clearer perspective on things and make better decisions.

and today i also discovered that i always seem to be making mistakes in my spending. ie i always spend money on things that eventually turn out to be useless. the major financial faux pas-es that i have made so far amount up to $800. and this excludes all the minor ones (ie unused consumer items etc) and the ones which i forgot about.
and yes i made another (not so minor) financial faux pas today. its so embarrassing that i dun even wanna talk about it. so there.
ok so i guess i shldnt go be a trader. skarlie my company goes bankrupt becuz of me. heh.

and i also found out that ya, its true that sometimes some people do things that juz get on your nerves. you'll wonder why, do they mean to hurt you or izzit juz their character to do those things. i mean i know its best to talk things out and solve misunderstandings if any, but sometimes it happens so often that you'll juz be tired of asking why all the time. mebbe its best not to care?

arrgh i've missed the date! wanted to blog on teh 10th jan.. heez

but nevermind, i blogged on the 9th and 11th. so 10th is still special.. haha.

anw i tried teh food at baker's inn today.. was good, serving size was qte big. and of cuz we tried their specialty too ie their desserts. really not bad.. cuz they're unique and taste nice. at first was hesitant to go there cuz i had this impression their food was REALLY expensive.. but discovered it was only the desserts. hte pricing of the main course was actually qte standard.. similar to cafe cartel i think.

and i got a new bag!! pretty yet functional. my taste :D thx for the msg and all, gals, really appreciate it.

and thx to all those who remembered, appreciate all your greetings :)

hmm so now i'm officially a year older. hmm actually its kinda scary.. like i've been on this earth for 22 years, wat have i learnt? wat new responsibilities must i now carry?

k i shld go off to slp soon.. gotta wake early to work.. :|
my progress have been kinda slow.. hope to be able to speed it up.. i dun wanna get an F for my ia!! =S

tmr is a special day..
cuz it'll be the starting of my 2nd week of ia! hehehehe....

anw, thank goodness my fears regarding my ia (as mentioned in the post before the previous) have been unfounded (so far). i havent gone down as much to the production site as much as i predicted, and i'm not really alone. as in, altho my ia mate is working on a different project as me, we're in the same office.. so ya its not as if i dun have any company at all la.. and he's not as bad as i described.. now he sends me to jp every day after work. also, it seems like i was wrong about my job being mostly on thermodynamics, my worst subject.. true i muz still use it but not all the time..

feel slpy.. and i muz wake up early tmr! so i guess i better go slp..

hmm the pain is like a mild toothache. gets more and more unpleasant by the day. stoopid toothache. its getting irritating.

hmmmm rainne suggested i shld use hair dryer to blow dry my hair..but i dun like to use it cuz its so noisy.. esp now when my workplace is so noisy ald.. i dun want to put my ears at more risk of being deaf.

i suspect i fear the pain of falling alot.. it seems like tats the reason y i hold on to things so tightly, and am so obsessed with making htings right when something goes wrong. and mebbe tats y im' paralysed when i see a path with hurdles that i can't cross.. i guess this translates to an uptight impression to my frens.. hmm i'm talking so abstract again.. actually i'm nt too sure of this observation since its only based a few select examples..

even if its true, however, i realise that when i do fall, i dun feel as bad as i tot i wld.. hmm so its kinda strange tat i'd still fear fallign?? eh.. i guess its human psychology.. heh im juz guessing randomly.

anw i have decided i'm not gonna wait anymore for my hair to dry completely. altho health is more impt (im sure you all have heard of this saying that if you slp with wet hair you'll develop rheumatism in the scalp someday) getting enough slp is more urgent more now. heh.

so nitez everyone (*) --> msn emoticon. shldnt be tat hard to guess wat it is :P

as mentioned, today was teh start of my ia!!! hmmm there're good and bad stuff...
good cuz my sup seems to be quite a nice guy.. he doesn't seem like he'll abandon us halfway to do our own thing w/out any help. plus, he treated us to lunch at jurong ctry club today! altho the meal wasnt really expensive (bout $15 pax w/out gst and teh etc charges) but still it was a nice gesture..and it doesn't hurt tat the food's tasty too..*winkz*
also, my only ia mate seems to be qte ok.. qte frenly.. not overly stuck up or shy. so far the only thing bad bout him is tat altho he lives near teh city and he drives, he din offer to fetch me to work or fetch me back to somewhere near city. its not as if he doesn't noe i live in lavendar, and tat he doesnt noe its not exactly very convenient for me to get to work. i was like waiting for his offer but it never came. heh. but its ok~, there's nothing wrong w walking some distance to the bus stop alone (on the road cuz there's no pedestrian pavement next to the roads) to catch the bus which goes to boon lay interchange. there's actually company transport from within the company compounds, but it turns and winds so much that it's faster if i take the sbs bus.
on the bad side, i discovered i'm really gonna have to do alot of thermodynamics stuff in my ia.. and guess wat i got D for my year 2 thermo and i failed my yr 3 thermo. i was hoping that my ia wld depend more on fluids (which i got A and C for) rather than thermo.. looks like i lost the gamble..
plus! im allocated to the production side of the company which means i'll to spend qte a large part of my time with monstrous, greasy and noisy machines.. and its not juz one or two.. its 2 entire warehouse sized blocks (of 2 storeys each, connected by those kind of steep metal industrial stairs.. and of cuz i have to climb them) of them. and when production picks up to teh usual rate, it'll be so noisy i'll have to wear ear plugs. the environment is worsened by the slippery ground.. and the heat resulting from massive amounts of steam usage. and it does'nt help that i'll be the ONLY attachee in tat horrible place.. cuz my only ia mate, who happens to be a guy, got allocated to the warehouse side, which is totally clean, cool and quiet (at least for today). furthermore, i suspect he wont even be in the warehouse much.. cuz his scope is bout developing a barcode system, so i gather he shld spend most of his time sitting in front of his comp in the airconditioned and comfortable office. sighz i wonder if our job scopes got exchanged or sthg. heh.
yet another bad thing is tat we discovered that we're the pioneer batch of ia students in this company.. as such, our sup is kinda overly idealistic and he expects us to be very involved in teh business..
hmm mebbe i shld say, he expects my ia mate to be very involved in teh business.. cuz somehow i feel that he has a severe lack of confidence in me.. but well actually i lack confidence for myself too.. cuz really la my job scope is kinda more suitable for a guy.. plus when he was telling me how the machines work using thermodynamics stuff, i was really blur and i htink he cld see tat.. bleah.
actually its qte paiseh cuz the hr personnel who led us ard, my ia mate, and my sup seems to get tat impression that i'm really scared and worried.. mebbe its cuz i'm really scared and worried, but i din realised that it was tat obvious. haha.

wow i've written so much for my ia. okok i've whined so much bout ia. heh. but actually qte a few bloggable things happened to me after i knocked off too..
hmm was qte disturbed by some tots on the way home.. but i guess i muz have patience.. for time is the best medicine :)

first i went on a solo shopping trip again!!! wanted to juz buy my work shoes (wont be in office so cant wear heels.. have to wear stable shoes.. like covered flats with nonslip soles) but ended up buying 2 pairs of casual shoes and nothing else from the shoe fair at bugis. cost me $33 bux totally.. i feel like i spent a bomb but actually its qte cheap.. cuz the shoes cost less than $20 for each pair. and i almost bought a black miniskirt, but i din have enough money liao :( i discovered i really have ALOT of things to buy.. but i seriously have no money to buy them..

lets see.. here're the things i NEED and the estimated cost
purse $5 ( i lost mine a few weeks ago and now my notes and coins are scattered all over my bag.. its kinda inconvenient to dig for them when paying for stuff.. and of cuz its unsafe la)
work shoes $20
chill: brazil cd $20 (i promised to give that to a fren)

and the things i WANT with their corresponding estimated cost are
a new hairdo!! $150 (more than one guy has asked y i never rebond hair.. resulting in "kew kew" hair.. i guess teh english translation wld be "hair with unruly curls and sticks out at weird angles" .. and a gal fren commented tat my fren was "cui4" ie "crispy" in english. but yet, another gal fren told me that my hair looks quite nice.. hmm who shld i believe?? mebbe my 2nd gal fren cuz then i can save $150.. haha)
the black miniskirt i saw juz now $26
a black top i saw at the same shop $26
a bag suitable for work and school $35
accessories! cost unknown cuz i dunno how many and which ones i want..
UG $30

of cuz there're more things i want.. juz tat the above lists the things that i wanna buy NOW. i can still live w/out the other stuffs for now.. haha.

so assuming that im gonna buy the things i want and need, i'll spend a grand total of $312 plus gst approx = $327.. wow. hmmm i dun think i can magic out tat amount.. so.. sighz. oh well.

anw i learnt some stuff bout buying shoes today..cuz when i got home i discovered some probs w one of teh shoes i bought.. and its cuz when trying them on i din go lookout for wat teh shoe shld be.
1. always check soles. if the soles are smooth, ask yourself if you mind sacrificing good friction for beauty/price/etc.
2. when trying the shoes, look out for any minute sign of discomfort or any slightest thing you have to do besides juz walking, so as to prevent probs when walking long distances.
3. check the base of teh shoe. dun buy if its furry cuz when water gets inbetween teh base and your feet, the fur will stick to your feet and dirty them. (this tip was given courtesy of rainne)also, ask yourself if you mind hard shoe bases.

hmm think i shld stop now.. cuz its 137 am and i have to wake up at 6am tmr.. lucky i din yawn infront of my sup today, hope i can keep it up tmr.. :P

music of the moment: bangbang

yes i've changed my background music again.. (yeah to a chacha song =P) hmm i guess initially it may not be very nice sounding, but for those of you who have the patience you'll realise the music eventually gets better.. and thats where i'm hooked! cuz when i hear the saxophone and the rhythm, i'll juz feel like dancing! haha..

today i went to top of the M (for those pp who dunno, its teh revolving restaurant in Mandarin Singapore) to have high tea..tat was to celebrate my bday, courtesy of my mum, who enjoyed 50% off =P. the food was really good! was almost bursting when i left the place. and i'm still not inclined to eat dinner even though its 9pm now. its buffet style and they served continental and local delights (including rojak). i highly recommend it to my frens. but hmm htink you all shld go only when you're not broke, cuz it costs 28 pax excluding discount, excluding gst and the etc costs. (they've got 2 sessions for high tea, forgot the exact timing.)

oh and from there i learnt that there're actually so many swimming pools in orchard.. but we dun usually see them cuz they're on top of the buildings. i cld count 7 juz around heeren! and only one belongs to a hotel (mandarin la).

hmmmmm actually i rem having qte a few things to blog. but i forgot wat they were. heeeeez. think im' really losing my memory. sighz.

oh happy 2005!! hope it will be a good year for everyone.. 2004 was fairly ok, except for the end.. nowadays becuz of the tsunami it seems like everyone's raising funds. i donated $5 (i only had $5 with me then.. ), how bout you? actually i htink they really need medical and food supplies too...

i'm starting my ia tmr.. and i have to wake up at 615!!!!!!! no more waking up in teh early afternoon for me liao =( hmm i hope i manage to wake up punctually tmr =P

hmm actually i did nothing to prepare for my ia.. save for buying a logbook, attending a (not really needed) ia briefing, reading a bit of info on studentlink.. come to htink of it, i dunno much about my ia company even. shld i go read up more?? skarlie my supervisor asks me wat i noe about the company, and if my one-liner is "erm, about packaging??" i dun think he'll like me very much. haha.

sighz, i dun like to think too much nowadays.. dun really want to be inundated with negative thoughts again. = is that good or bad??? =/

hmmm my tv's broken down. dunno why, the screen is a sea of red. as in, not that its bleeding, but everything is red on the screen. so for the next few days i'm gonna live w/out tv (until a few days after my mum decides to get a repairman or a new tv). but it shld be ok.. not as if i've been watching tv everyday.. in fact i din even noe the tv's spoilt until my mom told me about it. heh.

erm cant think of anything else to write liao. ok actually its cuz i dun want to..cuz i'm layyyzzeeeeeeeeeeeee.. haha. i'm sure if i think hard enough i'll have something to write. but i juz dun want to.. haha. i mean who wld'nt feel lazy on a night like this?? when its raining and the weather's juz purrrrfect for slping. oh yeahzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz................