hmnmm i dunno if its obvious.. but im in a happy mood.

hmmm but i'm expecting a period of frequent mood swings.. from very good to very bad.. and from very bad to very good. i'm actually qte afraid actually.. afraid of the emotional torture, and afraid that i'll give up before my hopes are realised.

if anyone remembers, i sorta implied about adopting a new attitude..this is my way of protecting myself. yeah..but its so difficult to change an attitude.. oftentimes, i find myself almost lapsing into the old attitude. but if i dun persist, i'll be hurt..

hmmm but now i realised.. im' still holding on to the old attitude... cuz i'm still trying to deny alot of things that go through my head. i refuse to think about them... by this i hope things will get better..
but im' so afraid they wont.. im' juz relying on blind faith now.

actually ya to be honest things are not easy.. but i refuse to give up juz like tat, w/out even trying. and mebbe.. i can make it, and find the rainbow??? mebbe im not as weak as i imagine myself to be..

seriously i noe soemtimes im' juz so negative. but thats how i am, and i'm ald trying v hard to be more positive. if i push myself to be more positive, i htink i'll go mad. heh.

i noe i still have alot to learn, i noe at wat pace i wanna grow, and i noe wat kind of limits i have. so if anyone tries to set the limits and pace for me, i'd say to them (and i sorta have said before to some pp): "buzz off."

yeah i noe i'm defensive..but tats juz the way i am. but i do seek to improve constantly.. so guess i'll put soem tot to this trait of me sometime. but well for now i'll juz be content.



hmmm i think this entry is a bit confusing.. heh.. well folks, tats the kind of stuff that goes through my mind everyday.. i think i think alot. heh.