oh its new year's eve! 2005's gonna be over soon.. how has it been for you? i guess... its always good to do some reflection.. so go ahead.. you have 10 min to do. haha..





well. for me..eh. i dun think i grew much. physically (my weight has been hovering at 39-40 since forever) and hmmm mebbe mentally as well.. ok lar sure got some growth but its slow loh.. no big jump tat kind of thing. i learnt more about myself, definitely.. learnt more about my frens, learnt more about the options in life available to me.

and as for achievements, academic wise, altho i still havent gotten good grades, i finally cleared everything in one sem again as mentioned in one of my prev posts. hobby wise, i also finally got a trophy..

relationships wise.. well. was kinda entangled in a not so good one, which i shortly got out of again, heh. subsequently met new frens.. and sad to say i htink i hurt one of them deeply. as for old frens, drifted apart from some of them, but also got to noe some other frens better. hmmm ok.. me beign the greedy person tat i am, i will try to catch back the old ones. at least, i'll try within my capabilities.. i cant really change my fren's working hours. heh.

and.. i also think i got closer to Him.. juz a bit closer.. but.. im happy enough =) my growth is slow, but steady ma.

as for beauty wise. dark circles got darker!!!! sobz. i have implemented a beauty project (htink i mentinoed in this blog before) which is to slp early, but i only managed to abide by it for like 1 week. haiz. and i think i wont buy olay's facial foam again.. it gave me pimples on my forehead! bioessence is not bad..galenic is also ok.. but i think they're not suitable for oily skin.

hmmmm ok.. i htink tats all the reflection i've got to do on 2005 for today.. mebbe wil add when i have more.


hmmm i wonder how my birthday will be like this year.. come to think of it, its been one year since my last bday.. so fast.. i can still rem taht day. hmmm.

i suspect the seat in front of my comp has got a magnet hwich attracts the human butt hidden inside the cushions. cuz i dun think my butt is tat heavy.. i'm only 40 kg..

awwwwww........ =p

as we get to know more of a person, we can either find more joy in him, or find him less attractive. i guess this is the way of life, but then, i still find it a pity when i realise certain hopes are never gonna be realised becuz of the changed impression. and sometimes when this happens, i wld just wish that my impression of him wld stay the way it was before everyhting happened.



*this entry is a general observation of myself and not referrign to any particular person or event.

my results were out today. finally, after 4 sems since yr 1 sem 2, i passed all my subjects. this shld be great news, especially since i really expected to fail about 5 out of 7 subjects. however, this is not the case. i am feelign qte sian now actually, about my results.

y is this so leh?

firstly, my grades are below average. the average results, for the average mae student, is 1 or 2 A, qte a few Bs, 1 or 2 Cs. but for me, its a 1 B, 4 Cs, 2 Ds.

secondly, recently i have begun to have some interest in working as an industrial designer (for the uninitiated, it means someone who designs products, industrial and otherwise). i know i cant depend on my overall results to get the job i want, as my uni grades are really quite terrible. i was hoping instead to use my industrial design module to appeal to my prospective employers. thus i have begun to shift my focus from completing my studies within 4 years, to attaining an impressive grade for my industrial design module. however, i got D(+) for my industrial design module. tell me, which company wld hire someone with D(+) for industrial design as an industrial designer???

so ok, i tell myself, its alright, mebbe i'll get a masters in industrial design, and get some decent grades from there (i believe i got D+ not cuz of my designing incapabilities, but more of my inability to manage my time. this is becuz i only had time to do half my ID paper, and i'm qte confident that if only the half tat i did was examinable, i'd have scored at least a B). however, given my present grades, i wont have even the basic requirements to enter the masters course. sighz.

ya. so basically the reason y i'm unhappy despite passing every subject (and thus ensuring that i need not squeeze more subjects into my final sem) is cuz 1. my grades are below average 2. my dream of being an industrial designer is almostly certainly squashed.

there's actually more to point 1 than juz a below avg grade. wat i'm saying is, its not so bad if i were in my first sem of uni. if tats the case, i can encourage myself by saying tat i'm juz not accustomed to uni life, and i can bounce back to being in the top 20% of the cohort next sem. however, the truth is, this is already my 2nd last sem in uni. 3.5 years, and i still havent mastered teh art of doing well in uni. i'm not even the average. i'm in fact BELOW average, in terms of grades. and come to htink of it, mebbe everything else. heh.

ok, you may say, grades is not everythign. but to those who dun really intend to start their own business, it matters qte a bit. bleah...

ok lar mebbe i was juz being pessimistic. mebbe there are other good things about my results, juz tat i focus more on the bad ones. mebbe i shld try finding more positive aspects of my results, and focus my tots more on them.

and actually anw so wat if nothing good (except tat i passed everyhting) can be said about my results? as my msn nick says "there are many regrets in life. wat matters is how we deal with them" the important thing now is not to fault anyone or lament the unfavourable circumstance, for afterall everyhting is past and there's no use crying over spilt milk. wats important now, following the analogy of the spilt milk, is to find a mop and mop the floor clean. and now, in the case of my disappointing results, is to figure out wat to do next.

so i guess.. there's nothing i can do but to learn from my mistakes loh.. and hope to make the best of next sem.

the first thing i muz learn is to re-acquire, and perform all my exam techniques. ok i never really did adhere strictly to the rules that muz be adhered to before you can be qualified to be exam smart (eg limiting urself to spending only the allocated time on each question and nothing more, doing the questions which you feel more comfortable first, etc etc) but after i came to uni, it was worse. for eg, instead of exceeding the allocated time by 5 mins, now im' exceeding by 15. and instead of attempting every question even when you're not sure of the answer (so that if it turns out correct you get some marks), i'll juz leave the question blank. how silly can tat be.

and the 2nd thing i muz learn is.. oops i havnet figured out wat other things i muz learn. heh.

ehhh. i think i'll let myself come up with the answer slowly.. i usually take my time to generate ideas.. mei2 ban4 fa3, i am tat slow a worker. heh.

its late.. i shld be putting in more effort in my beauty project. which is to slp early so i can get rid of my eye circles.. haha.

nitez everyone! wishing everyone a happy day tmr~

i'm looking forward to tomorrow.. (or rather, later) i pray that it'll be good.

anw, somehow i realise recently i can tolerate less and less of dumb guys.

i mean, not to say i'm smart or wat, but somethings are obvious wat. like if my msn nick says "exams ended, but with a pffffffttttttt...", it means i juz ended my exams on a not so wonderful note right? need you go and rub it in by saying "hey, so you very happy now right? exams over liao". im' like.. speechless... and really irritated. (wanted to say d*mn irritated but decided not to be so vulgar on my blog)

and its not as if its juz once.. i dun understand y.. but this guy often irritates me with his constant inability to understand the situation i am in altho it wld have been pretty obvious to me. besides the above eg, he wld also ask me out very often despite me telling him (many times) tat i was busy with projects and so cannot afford to come out to town for entertainment. i was so busy tat everytime i got home from school it'd be 12am. and even after my projects were done, he cldnt understand tat i was really pressed for time to study for the exams. again, he kept on asking me out, as if i only needed to take 2 papers which wld last only 3 days (incidently, tat kind of "luxury" is only for the masters students, heh), when in actual fact, i had to deal with 7 papers spread out over 12 days, the last 3 papers compressed into 2 days.

its like, i already have a lot of difficulty handling my workload, can you dun add on to my troubles by giving me all these irritation??? goodness.

ok sorry guys, i think this is the 2nd time some of you are hearing this, if so juz bear w me ya. heh and ya i noe the egs i raised up are the same but really i cldnt be bothered to go and rem other more irritating incidents liao.


hmmmm ok i think i shld be less harsh. for after all, wat goes ard comes ard. ehh. ok i guess i shld be more understanding. ok me and this guy are of different frequency tats all. then i cannot fault him liao. shrug. ehh but i htink i really need more grace to be able to tolerate him...

Father, please forgive me for my sins.. take away my anger, fill me with wisdom and love..so tat i may love my neighbours, like You love me. in the name of Jesus Christ i pray, amen.

great. i'm in a depressive mood again. mebbe its got to do with the music i'm listening to, but then, its supposed to be soothing leh. its jim brickman, goodness.

its actually kinda irritating, this nature of mine: to be depressive when htere's nothing to be happy about. i mean, if there's nothing to be happy about, hten juz dun be happy, dun be sad, right? but no!! i muz create trouble for myself and feel depressive about everything.

i notice that usually, when there is sthg to be happy about, i'l focus on tat happy issue and juz be happy happy. and be chirpy and bubbly throughout. but when there's NOTHING to be happy about, my focuz will be on other issues, and being teh gal with the low self-esteem, i will tend to cast everything about myself in a negative light. like, "oh, i dance so lousily, so low class", "oh, my dance costume is so kiddy", "oh, my fyp is like chicken feed but i'm still finding difficulty in handling it. i'm so incapable", "my relationship skills sux" and "i'm really lousy at giving comfort to pp" and etc etc etc..haiz.

it doesnt help that it seems to be yet another season of change. i rem i posted sthg along the lines of everythign seems to be changing.. again it seems to be the case now. i have accepted that things are never gg back the way before in dance, but now, my rships with my closer frens are not spared. i realise this all the more so while reading someone's blog, i suddenly feel so distant from her.. actually the distance has been growing since qte some time ago.. but we have been putting in efforts to meet up and all tat, so its not so bad. but now..everyone has grown so much.. except me. i'm still the lil gal.. taking forever to grow up.

seriously many a times i'd think back to my younger days, and wonder how i have changed, or grown. definitely there is some changes and maturity attained.. but still i feel like a lil child compared to all my frens.. and i dun like it loh. i jzu dun like to feel stupid or incapable, altho tat is wat i feel most of the times. heh. mebbe tats y i'm such an unhappy lil gal.

haiz. and the thing is, the more i feel unhappy, the worse i feel. its like a cycle.. i will feel unhappy about the fact that i'm unhappy..cuz i believe no one loves a grumpy gal. so as long as there is sthg making me unhappy, i'll be unhappy for a long time.. until sthg happy happens and takes my attn away. erm does it make sense??

Father, please take away the void in my soul.. and fill me with joy. that i may be salt and light to this earth, that i may bless those around me becuz of You. help me to look towards You, juz like the sunflower looks to the sun. in the name of Jesus, amen.

You Are A: Duckling!

The cutest of the cute, these baby ducks are often spotted in the spring following closely behind their mother. As a duckling you will grow up quickly, becoming one of the adult ducks seen commonly in ponds and streams. Playful and timid, charming and vulnerable, ducklings are nature's very definition of innocence.

You were almost a: Frog or a Chipmunk
You are least like a: Monkey or a PuppyWhat Cute Animal Are You?

music of the moment: starry night

hmmm i seem to be a lil deaf in my left ear...(to heisuke: no its not cuz i drop too much hair.....) seems like its slightly swollen on the inside too..

if it doesnt get better by the end of exams.. im' gonna see the doc liao.....

music of the moment: starry night

surprise!! i've put music on the blog again.. does it sound familiar to you???

tats the best quality i (or rather heisuke) can come up with.. sorry if it made you cringe or anything.. if it does.. feedback to me ok?? will see the response and decide if i wanna take it down.. hee.

credits to heisuke this time!

my dance partner has a good voice. has potential to become a successful singer. juz tat he lacks training and occasionally goes terribly off key. haha.

i strongly encourage him to go for singing lessons and thus stretch his potential. who noes, he may juz be discovered at the music school and be dragged to the recording studio to record an album which will sell to platinum status. haha.

even if sadly, he isnt discovered at the music school, he can still take part in the next season of the singing competition: project superstar. and then, based on the superb singing skills he has honed in teh school, he can win the votes of many fans and thus become kelvin tan's successor. and yes, i'll vote for you, dun worry. haha.

hmmmm but then, if he pursues his singing career, he'll give up his potentially equally illustrious dancing career. and i'll be left without a dance partner again!! so cannot cannot. i take back all my encouragements haha.

happy or not?? i blogged one whole entry about you.. haha. better be nice to me and dance well w me ok!!

am i gonna stay another sem in NTU????? i really hope not!! yesterday's paper was really easy.. but i didnt noe how to do, and i think i was too panicky to htink of flipping through the notes even tho it was an open-book exam. so.. in the end, i was only confident of 1.5 question. hmmmm the last time i only knew how to do one question, i failed teh paper.. mebbe this time i'll get a D??? *cross fingers* if i fail this paper, it means i'll have to take 8 papers next sem.. and i seriously dun think i can pass 8 papers at one go (i have taken 8 papers before so i know how it like.. and i din pass them all loh). and hwich means, i'll have to stay another sem in NTU to retake teh modules which i failed......

sobz. but its ok, cuz i know watever happens, He'll pull me through.. i muz have faith in Him!


and i really hope i havent sprained my foot again. i did blog about spraining my foot last time, and now my foot seems to be feeling the same as then, but not as serious. again, have no idea why i sprained my foot this time. hmmmm hope it recovers soon, i dun wanna blow my $60 goodbye to the chiropractioner!!

ya.. i'm short of money nowadays.. i've been spending ALOT on dance lately.. lets see..
120 on latin technique,
195 (including the ones which i'll be taking after my exams) on private lessons with sharon,
200 on new costume (which i'm really excited about.. mebbe will talk more about tat when im more free, hehe),
and now i'm thinking of whether to buy this pair of dance shoes hwich is gonna cost about 270 in total.. goodness.
including the dance shoes, my expenditure wld amount to a grand total of 785.. which is only 115 short of the 900 i estimated for my hongkong trip. and to think i opted not to go hongkong so as to save money. alot of money i saved eh. heh.

ok one happy thing to blog about today: the water supply in my house is finally repaired!! err as in, its pressurized.. cuz previously the water pressure was really low.. such that there can only be one tap open fully at any one time. so.. which means.. if i'm bathing, and this person turns on the tap in another part of the house, my water supply will suddenly be cut off. and seriously its not a nice feeling standing in the shower, naked, wet, cold (cuz of evaporation of the water) and all soaped up for like 3 mins juz waiting for the water supply to return. and of cuz if i'm rushing for time (which i always do) i'll be really irritated about the time wasted when the water supply's cut off. and becuz i dun really like my neighbours to hear my family shout at each other (jia1 chou3 bu4 ke3 wai4 yang2)(you noe how ur neighbours can hear you if you're shouting in the toilet), i usually refrain from yelling at the other water user to stop using wtaer, and so i end up having to tolerate this kind of inconvenience everytime time i bathe. but!! now no more!!! haha......

yup htink i'm gonna bathe now, even tho my grandpa's using the other bathroom at the same time. previously i'd wait until he comes out, but now i dun have to!

and oh, quote from a fren's msn nick: "the only place where SUCCESS comes before WORK is in the dictionary!" haha. looks like i better stop blogging now . actually wanted to juz write teh first 2 sentences in this entry today, but i was getting sick of reading super short entries everytime i check on my blog. heh. so decided to juz waste abit of time and write a longer entry today, like wat i did more in the past. hmmmm come to think of it, strangely i've been reminscing about the past (not hte unhappy ones tho, thank goodness) these few days.. i even asked my mom to cook crabs for me on my birthday, cuz i missed the times when she cooked crabs for dinner.. hmmmmmmmm....

ok i shld really stop being complacent about the amount of time i have for studying and really go off now.. ciao and all the best for all ur papers! lets all jiayou together~~